hi,

in fact it was another mother who took me aside last year and told me that she thought my daughter was a troublemaker. That was hard to take but over the past 12 months there have been many episodes which make me wonder if she wasn't right. My daughter is a bright, extrovert, sporty little girl who likes to have fun. I started to realise that there was another side to the good humoured kid that i saw everyday at home when i started getting calls from other parents re. stealing football cards from another child; misbehaving at a party and was asked to be picked up early as a result; teased another kid about the size of her feet several days in a row (was considered borderline bullying by the school); pushed another girl off a slide resulting in the kid badly cutting her face; had a fight with a boy at school which led to two of her friends holding the boy while my daughter kicked him. She is at the centre of most mischief-making at school. It has gotten to the stage that I dread any parent calling us at home, as I think, oh no, now what has happened. That birthday party happened today. The mother rang me all upset as my daughter and some boys at the party were throwing sweets around the cinema and mucking about on the underground on the way home. The mother was very upset and said that my girl should be picked up straightaway as she has upset everyone. My daughter readily admits to being attracted to mischief but cannot explain why. There are consequences for bad behaviour at home but i honestly think they are of little use as in that situation with her mates, away from her parents, it is too much fun and too much temptation and too hard for her to take responsibility and say no. She was recently voted class prefect but had this revoked a few days later after she took some football stickers from another child. She has a lot of power and strength of character, and I don't know what I can do to help her use this more positively. It affects me too as i get really angry with her when there is an episode at school and feel really stressed out by the whole thing - like what have i done wrong, or am i doing enough as a mother. Initially, I felt a need to defend her when I started hearing these things, but recently, I hardly trust her anymore and am more inclined to jump to a conclusion if there is any hint of trouble. I don't know what to do and would be grateful for any advice.

oh my hun ,my 8 year old daughter is the same ,in the last year or so shes really changed ,i cant control her and barely recognize the sweet little girl she once was ,ive been called into the school many times and i automatically jumped to her aid to defend her ,and the more i defended her the worst she got and to be honest hun ,was then she lost all respect for me and that hurts as a mother ,u see they are smart hun ,they know what buttons to press to get a reaction and god **** they dont hesitate in pushing them i havent really got any advice for u as such just wanted to let u know ur not alone and i have two other kids too ,total nightmare at my house these days .But i am looking into reward charts and im praying that they work for my kids and hun what u got to remember is your little girl is going through so many changes right now ,physically and emotionally so bare in mind what we went through during this transition ,i wish u the best hun xxx

my 7 year old son is the same. he will be 8 next week and for the last year he is getting in trouble a lot. he can be so sweet and kind at times but at others can be really bad. im so embarrased to say that he and is friends actually threw chocolates at an old lady last week. over the past year ive tried grounding taking his pocket money and at one point i got so upset i cried in front of him which is something i wouldnt normally do. i too would appreciate any help anyone can offer

hi,

its me, the one with the original problem again. Thanks to both of your for your stories and encouragement. Now that i have cooled down a bit since posting my problem on saturday, I have had some time to try to think about what could be a solution here. I wondered about trying to get my daughter to think more about being responsible. For example, if all the kids in class are mucking about and being loud etc, that she be the one to say, cut it out and help the teacher once in a while. Or getting her involved in something where she can help the less privileged. For example, there is an animal shelter in our town and you can visit there and help out on certain days. She is interested in animals at the moment, so this might be something we can do, where she can see how doing something positive can help. I have the impression that a lot of my childs problems stem from boredom and she needs to learn some responsibility. However, i don't think this is the end of the story at all, not by a long shot. She is a kid after all. I think we just have to try out certain things and see what works.
After the party on Saturday where she had to be picked up in disgrace, we discussed what had happened, encouraged her to see how her behaviour had ruined the party for the little girl whose birthday it was and to try to imagine how that would feel. Then we made her call the family the next morning and apologise to them for causing the disruption. I think it is important to follow things like this up with an apology in some way. When I read this, it all sounds like i was very calm and cool, but believe me I was fuming and she had an early night in bed - with no supper.....