My youngest son hate a complete melt down tonight, none like he's ever had. I am divorced from my children's father and in an amazing relationship right now, I thought the kids had taken to him but maybe I'm wrong. His meltdown this evening started by him having to be removed from family movie night and sent to bed for not listening (he's almost 5 btw) and while up there I was stadning outside his door while he yelled and called me stupid & ugly then proceded to kick the door & walls, that's when we went in and disciplined him, it got to the point where my other half had him "trapped" in his legs and my son kept screaming in that hoarse growl "leave me alone" we stood firm that we would do so once he showed us that he was going to calm down stop hitting kicking and screaming. Once he did this he cried for a while then wanted hugs and kisses good night, we wanted an apology and got many, he then got his hugs and kisses and agreed that tonigh wasn't good and that it wasn't worth his time to fight like this and he wasn't going to do it again. I've never seen him act like this, it was brutal. Part of me felt bad that he was growling the way he was but at the same time I know we have to stick by our guns and not show him that the louder he scream the more we give in, I just don't want this to happen again. Please help me, I don't want to be stupid ugly mom

Hi Jacqueline, well for a start off you have a beautiful name, its my sisters too and I always wished it was mine!
I think you handled the situation well, holding him till he calmed and obviosly it was the right thing at the time as it resulted in cuddles afterwards. When kids flip out they need to be held to feel secure. Well done for calming him.
Kids lash out at the people they trust and love, I don't know what caused it but its out now, he's had his outburst, seen that you'll both be there for him and I'm sure his angry words were just part of the tantrum and not meant in any way at all.
Its always better for them to get it out of there system, no a tantrum in a 5 yr old isn't what we hope for but if he had so much building up inside him its good that he let it out. Hopefully today he will feel calmer and you can talk to him about things before it builds up to that point again.
Try talking to him about his feelings, if he's not able to say what he felt try asking what colour he felt, I use that with my kids sometimes, its easier for them to say a colour that describes there emontions sometimes when they can't find the right words. If he does flip again, do just what you did this time, let him know that however angry he his you're there for him, you won't let him deal with it alone, it will make him feel safe. Talk to him about what he might do next time he feels so cross, give him a signal he can give you to show you he is feeling angry again so you can sit down with him and deal with it in a better way.
I wouldn't put it all down to your new partner, there may be other things going on in his head, he may be angry that his dad's not living with him anymore, troubles at school or with freinds, sometimes its a lot of little things that overload the brain to cause big outbursts.
I'm sure you and your partner are wonderful parents, you didn't flip yourselfs, you did what needed doing to calm him and where there for him when he needed you most. Don't take what he said to heart.