Hi Aaron,

Wow, that was quite a vent! I must admit I found your post extremely hard to read, since I have a migraine and I found the constant capital letters very daunting. So, I apologize if I haven't picked up everything you have said.

It seems you are finding raising a teenager full of issues, I'm just having trouble defining what exactly you need answers to. Is it that your aren't Crystal's biological father? Or just that she wants to be independent?

I agree that moving in with a man at her age might not be best, but I do think that at 17, if she is feeling restless, that moving into her own place isn't as crazy as it might seem. I think everyone needs to live on their own before setting up home with someone else, to find their feet, and get some independence. It sounds as though Crystal is more interested in "running away" than being independent.

I am not experienced in dealing with teens, my only knowlege of them is what I know from being one myself. Maybe some of the other parents here will be better equipped to give you advice about that. Suffice it to say that, it sounds like it has become a battleground at your house, and you need to defuse that somehow.

All I can say is, if I had a teen who wouldn't pull their weight, then I wouldn't play ball either. Without being unkind, I would expect them to do their bit, or washing for them, and providing meals, internet, etc would stop. BUT this is something you and your partner need to be united on, otherwise the ingredients are there for the teen to play you against each other, divide and rule.

If your partner is equally worried, you guys need to sit down and talk about what to do. If you are alone in your worries, then I'm afraid things aren't going to improve, and you might just have to bite your tongue.

I wish i had some better advice for you

All the best

Liz xx

P.S Please take caps off for your next post!

Ellie and Liz you are so nice compared to me.....
sorry, I just don't buy this-
I JUST DON'T SEE WHERE WE WENT WRONG OTHER THAN GIVING INTO HER WAY TOO MUCH AND SPOILING HER TO NO EXTENT. SHE HAS A WARM SAFE ENVIRONMENT THAT ALWAYS CONTAINS MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF HEALTHY FOOD, A WARM BED, CLEAN CLOTHES, AND ABOVE ALL MORE LOVE AND AFFECTION THAN SHE CAN HANDLE IF THERE IS SUCH A THING.

ALTHOUGH MATERIAL ITEMS ARE MERELY BENIFICIAL AND NOT NESSECCARY WE HAVE PROVIDED HER WITH HER OWN TV, COMPUTER, TELEPHONE (LOCAL & LONG DISTANCE SO SHE SPEAK WITH FRIENDS ALL OVER ONTARIO), PAYED HER WAY TO AND FROM SCHOOL WHEN SHE WAS ATTENDING, LENGHTENED HER CURFEW TO 2AM WITH A SAFE PAID FOR CAB RIDE FROM WHAT EVER FRINDS SHE'S AT, AND WHAT DO WE GET A SLAP IN THE FACE WHEN JUST A LITTLE RESPECT WOULD HAVE DONE THE TRICK.

maybe talking to her or parenting at some point before this might have helped instead of just giving stuff and thinking that is being a good parent. Did you earn respect from her?

And all caps is yelling AARON

Island girl, sometimes (and i'm not refering to this post in any way) I read problems that I think hey you are screwing up big time and need to pull your socks up! But I think that making a parent feeling good about themselves is usually more constructive than berating them for it, so I try to find positive things to say about the situation, solutions rather than critisisms that will point the parent in the right direction.
I spent 8 years raising my special needs daughter alone, I got no support only 'your doing this wrong'. Well I probably was but telling me that just knocked me so badly in the end I convinced myself I was a terrible mother, which in hindsight I wasn't, I was just lacking support, and she went of to a boarding school because 'they could do it better'. If someone had once said, hey you've screwed up but lets draw a line under that and start building your skills and confidence up' she might well still be at home with her family. I'd hate for a parent to leave here thinking well stuff you lot, you've just made me feel worse!
I also figure that no bad parent seeks advice, if someones asking, I take it as read that they've realised for themselves that they've gone off track and need support getting it back to how it should be.

Aaron does say:
AND ABOVE ALL MORE LOVE AND AFFECTION THAN SHE CAN HANDLE IF THERE IS SUCH A THING.

I think I said the same as you really here, she needs parenting more, by both parents not just Aaron, I just wrapped it up a little more sweetly