I SOMETIMES WONDER IF CRYSTAL NEVER MEETING HER FATHER MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH HER BEHAVIOUR, CRYSTAL IS SUCH A BRIGHT INTELLIGENT YOUNG WOMAN WHOM HAS EVERYTHING REQUIRED TO MAKE A GOOD LIFE FOR HER SELF AND BECOME SOMEONE SPECIAL NOT THAT SHE ISN'T ALREADY. IF SHE COULD ONLY FOCUS AND POINT THE FINGER AT HERSELF WHEN SHE DOES WRONG THEN PERHAPS SHE'D GET A BIT FURTHER.

CRYSTAL HAS SAID SHE DOESN'T LIKE MY WAYS OR HOW I SAY THINGS TO HER, SUCH AS WHEN I TELL HER TO CLEAN HER ROOM OR HELP OUT AROUND THE HOUSE. TAKE FOR EXAMPLE YESTERDAY.

I AM JUST GETTING OVER A BAD COLD AND I AM STILL VERY TIRED SO I LAYED DOWN FOR A REST YESTERDAY AFTER NOON AROUND 3PM, CRYSTAL HAD YET TO GET OUT OF BED CAUSE SHE SPENDS HER NIGHTS ON HER COMPUTER CHATING WITH HER BOYFRIEND UNITL 5 OR 6AM EVERY NIGHT. THE NIGHT BEFORE I SPECIFICALLY ASKED CRYSTAL TO DO SOME CHORES WHEN SHE WAS DONE TALKING TO HER BOYFRIEND WHICH I NEVER IMAGINED IT WOULD BE AN ALL NIGHT AFFAIR. AT ANY RATE AROUND 12AM SHE CAME TO MY ROOM WHERE I WAS WATCHING THE END OF A MOVIE AND ASKED ME WHAT CHORES I WANTED HER TO DO. I TOLD HER YOUR MOTHER HAS TO GET UP EARLIY FOR WORK AND IT'S TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING AS PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP AND I ASKED HER TO DO THEM IN THE MORNING. BY THE TIME I WENT FOR MY NAP AT 3PM CRYSTAL STILL HADN'T BEEN OUT OF BED OR SO I THOUGHT. I LAYED DOWN TILL APPROXIMATLY 4:45PM WHEN I THOUGHT I BETTER GET SUPER READY FOR MY WIFE AND CRYSTAL AS MY WIFE SYLVIE WOULD BE HOME BY 5:30PM. STILL LAYING IN BED I HEARD CRYSTAL TYPING AWAY ON HER KEYBOARD OF HER COMPUTER, WITH OUT ARGUING OR CAUSING ANY TROUBLE I GOT UP AND FLICKED THE SWITCH TO THE MODEM OFF THAT IS IN THE LIVING ROOM. CRYSTAL FREAKED OUT AND CALLED ME SOME PRETTY NASTY THINGS AS USUAL AND I TOLD HER THAT I WASN'T GOING ARGUE WITH HER BUT THAT I HAD ASKED MANY TIMES AND MANY TIMES IN THE PASSED TO HELP OUT AROUND THE HOUSE. I ALSO MENTION THAT SHE WAS BEING VERY SELF CENTERED CARING ONLY ABOUT WHAT SHE WANTS AND DOING ONLY WHAT SHE WANTS TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS. I ALSO INFORMED HER THAT I BELIEVED THAT SHE WAS ACTING LIKE A T*T AND IF HER INTENTIONS WERE TO USE US IT WAS UNACCEPTABLE AND I LEFT IT AT THAT.

OK SO I WAS WRONG FOR SAYING SHE WAS ACTING LIKE A T*T AND I ADDMITT IT BUT HOW MANY TIMES DOES SOMEONE HAVE TO ASK SOMEONE NICELY BEFORE THE HUMAN INSIDE OF THEM BLURTS OUT COMMENTS THAT ARE AGREEABLY UNCALLED FOR OUT OF ANGER.

THE ONLY THING WE ASK FROM CRYSTAL IS TO CHECK IN WITH US FROM TIME TO TIME WHEN SHE GOES OUT JUST SO WE KNOW SHE'S OK. TO TRY AND FIND A JOB AND IF NOT THAT THEN TO ATLEAST HELP OUT AROUND THE HOUSE EVEN IF A CHORE TAKES 2 MINUTES EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS. OH AND CLEAN HER ROOM. BUT EVEN CLEANING HER ROOM WE HAVE LET SLIDE BECAUSE WE SOUND LIKE BROKEN RECORDS EACH DAY!

WHAT AS A PARENT SHOULD I OR WE DO?

WHEN DOES THESE CHILDHOOD GAMES END?

SOMEONE PLEASE ADVISE!!

THANKS FAMILY MAN IN NEED OF ANSWERS

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............... yah- maybe

Not 100% wrong no, sounds like normal teenage behaviour thats gone OTT because mum's so desperate to hang on to her (read your other post too) Maybe a bit wrong in that you've lost your cool so played into her hands. You really need to get mum back on side, your side not her daughters, you and her should work as a team not independently, your daughter shouldn't be letting her get her own way over everything, thats not parenting thats just clutching onto her to avoid her leaving home.
Be the bigger person in this and go say sorry for the things you said to your daughter, ok you lost your rag but we all make mistakes, and no she's unlikely to apologise to you for anything she said to you, but even at her age its still best to set the example for future reference! Its the first step in calming down the situation, otherwise it just gets bigger and bigger, someone's got to back down before you can work things out Your the adult so your responsibility to make that move. The games will never stop until you stop being drawn into playing too, she's quite clearly got full control atm.

I think you both need to talk to your daughter as a young adult, all have your say (no shouting or interrupting) and then work out a happy medium, let your daughter have some things her way but set some boundaries for her to stick to aswell. She will of course want to do things that you don't agree with, but give her some leeway on them, if you want her to take responsibility for chores then you have to give a little back in return (and vice versa).

Hi Aaron,

Wow, that was quite a vent! I must admit I found your post extremely hard to read, since I have a migraine and I found the constant capital letters very daunting. So, I apologize if I haven't picked up everything you have said.

It seems you are finding raising a teenager full of issues, I'm just having trouble defining what exactly you need answers to. Is it that your aren't Crystal's biological father? Or just that she wants to be independent?

I agree that moving in with a man at her age might not be best, but I do think that at 17, if she is feeling restless, that moving into her own place isn't as crazy as it might seem. I think everyone needs to live on their own before setting up home with someone else, to find their feet, and get some independence. It sounds as though Crystal is more interested in "running away" than being independent.

I am not experienced in dealing with teens, my only knowlege of them is what I know from being one myself. Maybe some of the other parents here will be better equipped to give you advice about that. Suffice it to say that, it sounds like it has become a battleground at your house, and you need to defuse that somehow.

All I can say is, if I had a teen who wouldn't pull their weight, then I wouldn't play ball either. Without being unkind, I would expect them to do their bit, or washing for them, and providing meals, internet, etc would stop. BUT this is something you and your partner need to be united on, otherwise the ingredients are there for the teen to play you against each other, divide and rule.

If your partner is equally worried, you guys need to sit down and talk about what to do. If you are alone in your worries, then I'm afraid things aren't going to improve, and you might just have to bite your tongue.

I wish i had some better advice for you

All the best

Liz xx

P.S Please take caps off for your next post!

Ellie and Liz you are so nice compared to me.....
sorry, I just don't buy this-
I JUST DON'T SEE WHERE WE WENT WRONG OTHER THAN GIVING INTO HER WAY TOO MUCH AND SPOILING HER TO NO EXTENT. SHE HAS A WARM SAFE ENVIRONMENT THAT ALWAYS CONTAINS MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF HEALTHY FOOD, A WARM BED, CLEAN CLOTHES, AND ABOVE ALL MORE LOVE AND AFFECTION THAN SHE CAN HANDLE IF THERE IS SUCH A THING.

ALTHOUGH MATERIAL ITEMS ARE MERELY BENIFICIAL AND NOT NESSECCARY WE HAVE PROVIDED HER WITH HER OWN TV, COMPUTER, TELEPHONE (LOCAL & LONG DISTANCE SO SHE SPEAK WITH FRIENDS ALL OVER ONTARIO), PAYED HER WAY TO AND FROM SCHOOL WHEN SHE WAS ATTENDING, LENGHTENED HER CURFEW TO 2AM WITH A SAFE PAID FOR CAB RIDE FROM WHAT EVER FRINDS SHE'S AT, AND WHAT DO WE GET A SLAP IN THE FACE WHEN JUST A LITTLE RESPECT WOULD HAVE DONE THE TRICK.

maybe talking to her or parenting at some point before this might have helped instead of just giving stuff and thinking that is being a good parent. Did you earn respect from her?

And all caps is yelling AARON

Island girl, sometimes (and i'm not refering to this post in any way) I read problems that I think hey you are screwing up big time and need to pull your socks up! But I think that making a parent feeling good about themselves is usually more constructive than berating them for it, so I try to find positive things to say about the situation, solutions rather than critisisms that will point the parent in the right direction.
I spent 8 years raising my special needs daughter alone, I got no support only 'your doing this wrong'. Well I probably was but telling me that just knocked me so badly in the end I convinced myself I was a terrible mother, which in hindsight I wasn't, I was just lacking support, and she went of to a boarding school because 'they could do it better'. If someone had once said, hey you've screwed up but lets draw a line under that and start building your skills and confidence up' she might well still be at home with her family. I'd hate for a parent to leave here thinking well stuff you lot, you've just made me feel worse!
I also figure that no bad parent seeks advice, if someones asking, I take it as read that they've realised for themselves that they've gone off track and need support getting it back to how it should be.

Aaron does say:
AND ABOVE ALL MORE LOVE AND AFFECTION THAN SHE CAN HANDLE IF THERE IS SUCH A THING.

I think I said the same as you really here, she needs parenting more, by both parents not just Aaron, I just wrapped it up a little more sweetly