she has a right to know he is her step fater and who her real father is let her choose im quiet sure if she dont no her father she wont love step dad any less tell her the truth then go from there she big enogh to understand its taught in school
He IS her father and that's how you can approach it. Not being the "sperm donor" does not cancell the obvious fatherhood. He is the man who is raising her. So, it really doesn't matter. Maybe he can talk to her about it in a moment of closeness, like when she sits lovingly in his lap. Approach it as a meaningless detail. Or, maybe you can talk first about some story or another blended family and how parents are parents regardless of biology. Whoever raises a child is the parent. Period.
She will then handle it just fine I believe.
Wow, I had a similar situation. My mom and "dad" were married for about 6 years and split up for several months. My mom started dating an old boyfriend, and became pregnant with me. She ended up getting back together with my "dad", and he raised me as his own child. I never knew about my true paternity until I was 15 years old. I don't know what is worse...knowing, or not knowing. "Bio-dad" has seen me once (when I was 2), but I have never had any contact with him other than that.
I was a real daddy's girl. We were very close and had a great relationship up until I was 19 years old and he met what is now his current-wife. I believe that she drilled it into my dad's head that I was not REALLY his daughter, and over the years, I think he's finally came to the conclusion that since his blood isn't coursing thru my veins, well....I'm not his daughter. My dad's wife hates me, and she was always jealous of me. I tried very hard to be friends with her, but all to no avail. She even got mad when I'd go to the hospital to see my dad (he has heart problems). Eh, I could write a book about her, but won't waste my time.
I don't know if I'd tell her or not. IMO, if you do tell her, you should wait until she's older. I had a very hard time dealing with finding out that my dad wasn't REALLY my biological father, and I was 15 when I found out about it. My parents had split up and got back together numerous times, and my life was a constant roller coaster. I had been thru a lot at 15, but learing my dad wasn't really my "DAD" was a HUGE deal. The ONLY reason I was told is b/c my Dad's lawyer was threatening to tell it in divorce court in hopes of getting my Dad out of paying child support. My dad's lawyer was a snake, and my dad nixed that idea himself, but not before his attorney brought it to my mom's attorney's attention. OTOH, if I did NOT know the truth, I think it would be even MORE painful to know that my dad doesn't want me in his life simply b/c it makes life with his wife a living hell.
You have a very difficult decision. If you tell her, I would make sure your husband is there with you so that you can all talk about it together.
For what it's worth, my dad is the ONLY dad I'll ever have. The other guy was just a sperm donor. My dad raised me, taught me how to read, ride a bike, etc. etc. etc. He's a dad in all the ways that count, and even though we don't have a relationship any longer, he will always be my dad.
I don't know if this helped or not, and I apologize for it being so long. Hopefully something in here will help tho.
