My daughter (7) has a tendency to shut down (i.e. not talk) when in a stressful situation. For example, the other day she was involved in an incident with a kid in class in which he accused her of hitting him. When the teacher asked to hear her side of the story, she said nothing. When the teacher sent her to the principal's office, she said nothing - didn't respond to the principal's questions.
She also does this at home. Sometime with a lot of coaxing, I can get something out of her, but her first response is to shut down and not say anything.
Has anyone else experienced a kid like this? Any advice?
Oh yes. Very familiar. My older son is the same. I was really worried until I took some phone advice with Dr. Aldort and now read her book and listened to her tapes.
Her book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, has changed my life!! I used to try to cox my son to talk, like you, but after reading and counseling with Aldort, I learned that it makes him feel like he is no good in my eyes.
Now I stand by his side. I learned to see that the way they treat them in school and adults in general is revolting. Interogation of the worst kind. No adult would put up with this. Teachers should have better skill at communicating in a way that does not make the child feel put on trial. Your daughter has high self-esteem. You must have done something good. Aldort talks about how being shy, or refusing to cooperate with patronizing or contorling interogation takes a lot of courage and belief in oneself. Now you must learn to support her rather than go against her nature. Read that book. You would love it.
Children sometimes experience something called selective mutive disorder in new and sressful situations. These children literally do not have the ability to speak-the words will not come to them. Be patient! We are always giving children mixed messeges about how to handle certain situatuions..."Use your words- don't hit"...VS. "Just be quiet and respect the adults around you." Kids need to feel safe in order to assert themselves and speak up. It would only6 take one time for a child to be reprimanded or not believed for them to shut down and not want to respond- out of fear of reprimand or disbelief. Try talking to your daughter in a "safer" non threatening environment" Is she like this at home? Or, only in "outside" situations. Give her opportunities to speak her mind and feel successful and not intimidated at home. Than move on to the "outside" world and start small.
Good luck
i'm in a similar situation, my daughter is 4 and attending the local nusery which is attached to the primary school. she is shy and if she is told not to do something she usually shuts down and her teachers cannot communicate with her. talking to her during these stressful situations doesnt work. i feel she needs time and patience, but they suggested a special needs counselor comes in and observes her. i'm pretty upset about it.
