This is a tough one. My son is now 12 years old and he has an 11 yo brother from an affair his Dad had when our son was just a few months old. We've never really explained anything to him but I knew the day would come when he'd do the math and figure out that we were still together when his brother was conceived. Yesterday, he asked me the dredded Q. Apparently, he asked Dad and he told our son to ask ME! I get along with his Dad very well (we're divorced), but that was just WRONG! Put in a bind, and not wanting to damage my son's psyche, I told him we were separated when Dad met his brother's mom. (We weren't.) It just seems to me that at 12, and he's starting to become a man, something like this might shape the man he becomes. I can't imagine any reason he needs to know the truth right now. He's just too young for the real answer. And I don't want him to be angry with his Dad; his Dad is the world to him. Or, maybe even worse, I don't want him to view his brother differently. But, now I'm second-guessing. Should I have told him? Will he be mad at me someday for not telling him the truth? Maybe if I explain that everyone makes mistakes and that his brother was a positive result. I'm open to some good solid advice on this doozy.

That is tough. Still, I think you are only acting out of love for your son. You are sacrificing some pride by saving face for your husband. In all reality, you could have used this as a selfish way to "get back" at your husband for doing what he did. Instead, you took the high road and did what you felt best for your son. Is it RIGHT? That is tough. Many would say honesty is the best policy, but in this instance, is it the most helpful? Perhaps you should allow his father to handle the details of this and tell your ex husband that you want him to make the call. One thing is obvious, you care a lot about your son and family. God bless.

Hi ya,

I'd say don't tell him the truth until he's older. My Mum told me when I was 12 that my Dad was having an affair. I wasn't old enough to deal with it at all and its one thing I wish my Mum had never told me. Although there were never any children from it but I never saw my Dad or any Men in the same way again. When I met my husband I had terrible trust issues and even now I tend to expect that he'll cheat on me.

Normally I am one for telling the truth but because my Mum needed a friend at the time its turned me into one parnanoid women! Wait till he's older.

I think you did the right thing. He'll understand when he's older if you decide you ever need to tell him.

you shouldnt lie to your child tell him the truth tell him first before anybody elese do and trust me they will or have i dont think he would see his father any differently but i would not lie for no one not my own mother