my son is two going on three in april, my parents say he is out of control. I strongly agree but i am hesitant to disapline him for fear that he will fear me..he back talks to me and points fingers, everything you say to him is in one ear and out the other, he wont eat what he is given, like tonight we had chicken breasts, rice, broccoli, pineapple, and milk. wouldnt touch any of it but is still screaming he is hungry. I am lost and dont know how to regain the control i once had, any ideas???

I feel for parents like you. I am a mother of three grown children and now work as a nanny. Children imitate what they see and sense your anguish. Try offering choice of two items for dinner ( never more than two) for ex: chicken or hamburger. He will think he is making his own choice, if he does not want what you put on the table at dinner time, save it. Next time when he says he is hungry warm up the same dinner and offer the same thing again. It is hard to do this I assure you after few times he will get the idea.
As for descipline, you should not be afraid. This is the age between 2 and three they try to push their limit to see how much they can get away with. If he is pointing fingers at you and screaming at you, you can bet he has picked that from some one or some where. You don't have to be strict,you can do it very nicely always remember to use calm yet firm voice to get your point across, and follow through with it.
Good luck.

the children can not raise and educate themselves alone, according to my opinion, the role of parents is to assist them, to point out the things which are not OK. the fear donesn't have to do anything with that, it is rather a matter of respect.

try to talk to your son as much as possible about the problems explaining whay this and that is not good, find some picture books / cartoons which deal with the issues you're facing, when you see that he's loosing control apply 'time out' method ... and get lots of patience. good luck.

btw, my daughter will be three in may

I totally with you not to create fear. You want to be a loving and kind mother. Not the police of your child. I want the same thing.
It is not resepcet that causes a child to deny her own desire, but fear and need to apease and please. Praise and punishment are two sides of the same coin of controlling children. I don't use either. I struggled with this issue for a while. I used ot praise, timeout, threaten... I saw the fear. It doesn't work.
I thought my boys should listen to what I say and they didn't. Then I encountered the parenting style of Dr. Aldort, and recently her book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, and my life has changed. I learned that, instead of fixing my child, I have to understand what doesn't work for him, or what I am not getting here that has to be addressed. I learned to use ONLY loving ways. It keeps trust and connection and it works so much better without fear or what parents call respect (it isn't).
My boys respect me precisely because I never punish, they can trust me, they know I care, and they know I won't just tell them how to behave, but I will find out the reason for their behavior so I can help.
I cannot explain it all. But the book and tapes do it exceptionally well.

I had the same problem with my daughter have recently started reading a book called "parenting the strong-willed child" by Rex Forehand & Nicholas Long. It is a five week program to fix the problem and I am at the end of the first week and can see the difference. It is worth a try