When do you think you should let your daughter decide on her own clothes? My daughter just recently turned 12, and I still pick out all her own clothes. She constantly complains the stuff I pick out is too babyish, and she hates it. But I think she looks like the cutest most adorable little girl! I really don't want her to start dressing like Brittney Spears or anything like that. Her biggest complaint is I buy her a lot of Disney shirts, she says they're for little girls. She is also very embarassed by her underwear, which I think is beyond ridiculous. She is very afraid a friend of hers will see her underwear and make fun of her. I think she looks so adorable before bed and in the morning in her cute little undies.

http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/Girl-Underwear-c.html

I've bought her almost every single pair of undies listed there. I just can't get enough of them!! They are the cutest things in the world. That site only has them up to size 4, luckily they come up to 8/10 in the stores.

I mean, don't 12 year old girls still wear undies like that? What about Disney character and movie t shirts? Since when are 12 year olds too "grown up" for this kind of stuff? So, should I be letting her buy her own stuff?

I have a daughter of 11 and she does choose her clothes to a certain extent. She isn't that fussed about underwear but she doesn't wear disney stuff. I went with her to buy her first bra last summer. She was highly embarassed but was glad we did it together. This Christmas she wanted some new clothes after having nothing suitable for a school disco so I gave some money to her 21 year old cousin and they went out together and bought clothes. They were maybe more fashionable than I would choose, but certainly not tarty or unsuitable. Her cousin is pretty sensible, I knew she would ensure the clothes were good value and ok. My daughter thought it was wonderful. I don't want my daughter to feel awkward because I made her wear babyish clothes but at the same time I don't want her to be dressed like Britney Spears. Maybe a compromise position is possible. There are lots of sensible clothes available for this age of children. Let her choose some.

I am a 19 year old girl and i have picked out my clothes from about age 10. I think it is important to let your child express thier own style but while of course recieving your guidance. I learnt from my own mistakes; what was acceptable to wear. They are lots of fashionable clothes out there without having to look 'tarty'. with regards to underwear, i would be extremeley embarrased if i had to those pants (thats why they are made only up to a size 4). Im not talking thongs but i am sure you can reach some sort of compromise x x

Well, they go up to size 8/10 in the stores. Maybe I could come to some compromise, I may start letting her pick out her own shirts and pants, as long as they aren't too revealing or expensive.

No compromising on the undies though because she looks like the most adorable thing ever in them

I have to say that I don't often see my 11 year old in her underwear as she is of the age when she needs a little privacy. I don't particularly care what she looks like in her underwear, but I obviously wouldn't let her wear thongs or anything like that. I don't think she would want to wear them.

Hi

I have to say that I think that you are a bit of a control freek.

If you do not budge on this especially the underwear your daughter will rebel big time at some point in the future. I don't understand why you have to control her in this way. Okay have some say with her and reach a compromise but it doesn't sound like you will move at all. When are you going to let her wear suitably aged underwear for heavens sake - she is 12. She is not 6 or 7.

No one is suggesting that you let her wear what she wants - mini skirts, high heeled leather boots or thongs BUT you are taking it a bit too far. Can you just stop and think if your mother did this to you when you were 12. If yes then its understandable that you are attempting to go down the same path BUT did you you like her for making you wear her choice of clothes?

If your mother let you wear your own choice of clothes and underwear at 12 yo - did you please yourself, go off the rails and make a fool of yourself and her? Probably not!

The only outcome of this will be bad. Either she will rebel big time and completely disrespect you at the first opportunity OR she will end up hating you for controlling her.

Let her grow up - either that or have another baby and hope that it is a girl and you can have your own way for another few years and pick their underwear.

Good luck and I really hope you relax on this one or the consequences could be disasterous.

Fiona

Well, I don't really have any close friends with daughters this age. I thought the underwear was cute. 12 years old isn't that grown up IMO, I thought there would be a lot of other girls her age wearing the same thing. I didn't think girls stopped at like 6 or 7.

Hi

I understand that sometimes we ask others for their opinion on child raising/relationships etc. I understand how difficult it must be if you are not able to do this. I understand because I (at 39) have a 17 YO sister with older parents who are doing things a lot differently than they did with me not only because they are older but because they are not 'with it' in the same way as other parents with friends with children of the same age.

I would say that you have to ask on here are take what you want from it, use your own experiences of being a child and on the receiving end of your parents ways, but most importantly you have to communicate with your daughter. The fact that she is expressing displeasure at your ideas means that she is not happy with what you are asking of her ie wear immature underwear, but also at your 'stubborness' at her continuing bacause you are the parent - she will wear what I want her to wear attitude. Relax, listen to her, have your own opinion but be prepared to be flexible within reason.

Hope things work out
Fiona

BTW - I am very much into discipline, do as I say becasue I'm the parent BUT - my kids are still little enough for that - they will not be when they are 12 and I fully expect that I will have to be 'chilled' when they get there and pretend to a certain extent to be their friend whilst maintaining the respect and discipline to stop them going off the rails.

F

Hi,
I just wanted to say that the Character shirts and underwear may be a little too much. I definatly think she should have a say in what you buy/ what she wears. At sixteen she may just sneak around your back if you can't be upfront. I do think that you should also have a talk and find ways to show her that it's not the clothes that make the girl. I remember how hard it was and how insecure I was.
Good luck

WOW....mommy2006. if your daughter hasnt already I would imagine that she will be getting her period soon, and wearing a bra. I think there were about 3 characters that would be ok for her age....older girls fancy hello kitty and Kim posible and sometimes Pooh.But the others are only for little girls. buy her plane undies, if your against older looking ones. and keep in mind mom that that site is called potty training concepts.

A healthy compramise may be for you to only buy what you are compfortable with her wearing and allow her to put her own outfits together. I do this with my 10 year old to encourage self esteem. There have been times when I have had to oppose and make her change but all in all it works out well, being that I am the one who makes the purchases.