Where do i start,have no idea so will try and keep this short.
I have 2 boys 11 and 7,they stay with me every other weekend and a couple of other days and 50% of all holiday.
My 7 year old is just drivng my crazy,he says such bad things,will not do a thing he is told and i cannot reason with him when this happens,i just have to leave him and after around a hour he might be ok for a bit.
I put him to bed at 8pm tonight and he is just messing about till 11pm,every half hour i try and get him off to sleep and the lights just go back on and he will put the xbox back on.
He says im nasty, that i hate him,he wishes i was dead,wishes he was dead and all sorts of other stuff.
He will scream at him and last out and try and him me at times.
I have looked for the trigger to see what starts it off and it can be anything he does not want to do,anything from what he is having for tea,to going somewhere he does not want to go.
This has been going on for about a year,i have had them for a week and not had one nice day.
I feel guilty,depressed,useless and just about ready to crack up,you just always think your kids will love you as there your kids !
Many Thanks
Robert

I'm so sorry you are experiencing these problems. I don't think there are any miracle cures and unfortuantely because you do not have him all the time whatever strategies you put in place may not be used by your ex. Therefore your son will be confused and will not understand the rules fully. Have you spoken to your ex about it and are you on good terms? If so it will make it easier for you both to discuss rules and boundaries for your sons, to make sure you are both on the same side. There was a very good programme screened earlier this year called 'supernanny' if it shows again I would suggest you watch it and use the strategies she uses to help you. Strategies like; time out, strict bedtime routines, reward charts for good behaviour, etc., but most of all you must be consistent, remain calm but be in charge, they must understand that you are the adult and what you say goes. If you need any support in implementing time out etc. then reply to this message and I'll try and talk you through it. Good luck.

Hi

I would agree that Supernanny is a super programme and would also agree that if both parents are consistent it will work better in most cases. However, as a childminder with several children whose parents use different techniques I would say that children do know what is allowed in whose house. Children can adapt to different rules in different houses - that is always why they are better behaved at Auntie Jeannies house!!!.

You have to set the ground rules and not allow your son to dictate to you - cut the plug off his games, take the light bulb out and tell him that he stays in his room and that the rules are there for a reason. He is so draining thru the day that you need to re-charge. You need adult time and he needs his sleep.

He is old enough to understand this.

He needs boundaries and this in turn will reinforce your love for him. All children will try and test us but the response tells him that you love and care for him - not the words 'I love you'.

Teach him how to respect you, believe me - when he is 17 and tells you how it is and goes out drinking, smoking and god knows what else - there is very little you can do then. You HAVE TO get his respect now, with or without his mothers help.

Good luck, be strong, determined and hope it works.

Fiona

Thanks for the great info,i feel like i have started to do something now looking on the net and will do whatever it takes.
Where can i get a reward chart,or do a make one and does it run for a week with a reward at the end ?
I do not talk to the mum after a long court battle,i would like to but dont think it will ever be.
Thanks again for all the help,im going to come on here every day and learn what i can,hope you dont mind all the questions !
Thankyou
Robert

Hi again, feel free to ask as many questions as you like. In so far as the reward chart in my opinion I would discuss it with your son and ask him what kind of rewards he feels he would like to work towards and also to set the rules he needs to follow in order to achieve those rewards (set only 4 - 5 agreed rules at this stage otherwise he will not be able to keep them up). You can easily make a reward chart yourself and buy stickers in most stationery shops. I would suggest initially 15 stickers will gain a reward (perhaps a trip out, or a small toy he has been wanting) then build this up so that he can work towards something larger. Hope this helps.