I have an 11 year old daughter. I am sure these problems are all my fault. Her birth father and I had a terrible relationship that ended when she was two. By the time she was three I met my current husband, and by the time she was five he and I had married, had another baby, and my husband adopted my daughter. My parents had commented over the years that they thought my daughter had a problem with men, specifically my father and brother, but I ignored it. She has never really become very close to my husband, and she and I are extremely close. She does not have any respect for my husband, but I'm not sure that it is all her fault. Admittedly he is not the greatest at making time to spend with her and I don't think he has never really taken the time to develop a relationship with her. I think he just expects to be respected because he is the parent, but aside from what one would expect a man to do (support his family, meet family obligations) I don't see that he does anything to earn respect. Recently I found out that while my daughter was at the pool with my husband's parents, she had left her glasses on the floor and when my father in law stepped on them and broke them, she said something under her breath about how men are stupid or irresponsible. My father in law relayed that message to my husband, and he told me. I am now seeing that this is a problem she has with men all across the board and I don't know how to fix it. She is a genuinly caring and loving child, and is capable of having relationships. How do I turn this around?
It's been my experience that children can oversimplify. One bad experience can mean a jaded outlook on anyone and everything that relates to that experience. In your daughter's case, it sounds as if maybe she needs more positive experiences with the men in her life to outweigh whatever negative vibes she's holding on to. She needs to see that men, just like women, are people to be respected. I know your husband probably feels he should be respected just because he is the parent, and in most instances I would agree that children should be respectful of EVERYONE. In this case though, your husband, as well as the other men in her life, may need to put forth a little more effort to be a positive example for her. I really think that a few small instances of compassion, caring, and fun will help her to reshape her opinion of men. Not to mention the fact that if your husband does take that first step, it will surely help strengthen their relationship. I hope this helps and wish you the best.
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