This is a long story I will try and sum it up.
I met my husband 5 years ago. He had a 9 month old son. About 1 1/2 years into our relationship we had a child of our own and custody of his son. The biological mother got into drugs and did them around my son ( sorry I have had him for 5 years now. I call him my son)Anyways, his BM is never around since she gave my husband custody 5 years ago. When ever my son sees her or talks to her he acts up for a day or two then is fine. He talked to a therapist 2 years ago and she told us he ahas a subconscious anger towards his biological mother for abandoning him at 1 1/2 years of age but he doesn't know why he feels like this. Since he has lived with us she has been married, widowed and is currently 2 months pregnant by a guy she has known 2 1/2 months and is getting married again. So we decided to tell our son about his BM before she showed up in 7 months with a baby. He said he didn't care if she had a baby but he didn't want it to be his brother or sister. He said he will be its friend. Then he told her that he has his own family, now she can have her own family. He was very upset!! (She only sees him about 2 times a year) Ever since we have told him he has acted up in school a lot. I even had to go to the principals office because of his behavior and he is only in Kindergarten. Can this be the only thing causing it. What should we do to help my son not feel hurt any more. Should contact with his BM be cut off. Please help, this is very confusing. Thanks

Hi there, can I ask if your son 'wants' to see his
B M or is it organised without his consent? Also is anyone else present when he spends time with her? Have you talked to him about what she says to him on their meetings? Your son will be almost 6 now and it is a difficult concept for him to deal with. Does she still do drugs? By the way you were right to tell your son about the new baby etc., he has a lot of issues to deal with but it is important that you are honest and up front with him, no matter how difficult it may be. Otherwise you will undoubtably be storing up problems for the future.
Talk to the school and see if they have contact with a counsellor who may be able to help your son come to terms with his feelings. Good luck.

My son says he wants to see her sometimes. Some days he will tell us he doesn't feel like talking to her or seeing her. See on his birthday last year we let her take him for a few hours. To see what would happen. She took him out to eat and then to a store to buy him a birthday present. While they were gone my son said she yelled at him because he doesn't call her mommy ( he doesn't know her as his mom . I am the only mom he knows since he has been with me since 9 months old)and when they were in the store he was taking his time finding what he wanted and she got mad and told him to hurry up so she could take him home. She went almost a year without seeing him and only spent about 2 hours with him and wanted to bring him home.The only 2 times she came to visit this year was without his consent. She called and asked to see him so we let her come over. He got aggravated with her while she was here. She tries to play mommy while she is here and one time she even tried to discipline him like she saw him all the time. He got very upset about that. He doesn't really know her and he is only use to my husband or me putting him in time out. It was even a really dumb reason to try and discipline him . He was running around being a normal 5 year old and she got mad at him. All of her visits or supervised. When she signed over her custody rights to my husband through an attorney she also agreed the visitations would be supervised only. See when she was doing drugs she was doing them around him and I had him drug tested at 2 years old and there were traces of marijuana in his urine. The doctor told us if we didn't call Child protective services they would. We are not sure if she is still doing drugs. I know about a year ago she was. He knows a lot about what is going on. I tell him everything I can that a 5 year old needs to know. I don't want to hide anything from him and cause problems between me and him when he is older. Right now we are very close. He is just like he was really my own son. I love him and don't want to see him hurt. I just don't know what to do about her any more. This is a very long and complicated story.

Hi again, it is obvious you think the world of your son and rightly so, I know this is very difficult but is there any way you can talk to his BM about his problems, either directly or through the child protection people. If she could begin to understand his feelings then perhaps she can be encouraged to be more positive with him and simply enjoy playing with him, instead of trying to discipline him (she really gave up all rights to do this when she made her choice of continuing to take drugs etc.) Life is not easy and straightforward but I would thank God that your son has you and his dad to keep him feeling safe, secure and loved. I would advise you simply carry on making him feel loved and valued as an individual and as part of your family.

Hi, I have tried to talk to her. She just brushed it off like it wasn't her problem. At first she acted liked she was going to talk to me about him then her boyfriend came home and she said she had to let me go and would call me the next day to talk about him, but she never called. She is more into her current life then she is into her son. She makes promises to hi then breaks them. She promised she would see him for Christmas this year then called about a week ago and said she could not make it but would try and see him on his birthday. She told me on his birthday she was going to bring her boyfriend for everyone to meet. But I don't want to upset him at his party. At the same time I can't protect him from seeing her boyfriend and new baby. God life is hard. I am thankful he has me and his father. Who know what situation he woul b in if we didn't step in and take him when we did.