I just broke up with my fiance' yesterday. Our family combined was me, him, his daughter, mine and ours. however mine calls him daddy his calls me mommy. It's always been all of us together so the kids really don't even know that they aren't all ours.the ages are 2, 2, and 10 months.(both his and mine are 6 months apart). He was working in Mississippi on the Katrina relief and just had come home the night before yesterday so this happened at a hard time especially with christmas comming up. He had told me to wait to do christmas shopping until he got home so we could go together and i said fine (he wasnt supposed to come home for 2 more weeks though). so i went an got like 3-4 gifts already. Anyways, what happened was i woke up and found out he was talking to other women (sexually) online. So i threw him out. the only good thing that is going on is that his daughter is actually visiting with her biological mother for 2 weeks so she wasnt home to go through this. (she has never went to her moms before for overnight so this is new) So i packed up the kids and went to my moms for the day while he got out because it was very upsetting to me and i didn't want the kids to have to deal with it yet. We had 200 dolalrs in the bank so i went and took a hundred and left him the other. He calls yelling at me because i took money and i was mad because what else was i suposed to do for the kids christmas??? Now he has another check comming friday and my mom says to take half of it for the bills and christmas because he left us with nothing. however, im a little nervous about doing it. i never thought he'd ever physically hurt one of us but i also never heard him as mad as i did yesterday about the money so im not sure if i should take the money or not. if i dont i will have no money to pay the bills when they come in because i dont work. not only is mony an issue but his mother is crazy and i think that she would try to pull something with my kids liek calling social services (who really have no reason to do anything) but its still a scarey thought that they would even come here. i think hes staying at his brothers house but i dont know that for sure so he doesnt even have a stable roof over his head. i dont know if hes going to stay daddy to mydaughter who has only known him as daddy or not, i dont knw if he will let me see carissa as she is biologically not mine i have no rights and i don't know what to do. how do you deal with all this with kids? should i take some money? should i even let a man with no job, no steady home and a crazy family even take my child for a night? i mean how do you knw what to do?

well first and foremost you need to take care of those kids period.
i would say taking someone elses check that is not yours is not right either.
its way too soon to get all the answers you need because you havent even started the legal process or had time to let things sink in.
if your in fear of violence I would seek a place to stay.
either with family or in a womens shelter!
I would think that if all I had in the world was $100 in the bank ( and I have been there many times) that I would not buy presents with it.
make your kids a card or something.
sometimes the best way to solve a situation is a sit down rational thought.
I too have been cought talking online to women. I dont do it anymore but we worked thru it.
from a mans perspective it dosent mean he wants to cheat on you. men like to feel wanted. and after a couple of sit down conversations we aired everything out and it turns out that the reason I was talking to women online was because I wasnt happy with our sex life at home... and in hindsight all I had to do was tell her how I felt and what it is I wanted from the relationship.
it has actually made our relationship rock solid.. now we can freely talk about anything

maybe you should just ask him why?
if he wants someone else then let him go!
if he is reaching out because you arent there for him
how he needs you.. then you can adress it.

Well see that's the problem 1. As far as money goes I've supported him financially for 2 years now. That's why my mother said that i needed to get the money fo rthe bills because I've always paid them up until this month because he was supposed to be working here and all but quit and came home. 2. I tried to talk to him about this but he said he didn't want me or anyone anymore he was done with it all and he wasn't comming back which is fine..I mean yeah my heart is broken but I will live. I need to take care of the kids but the money situation is only talked about because of the fact that he wouldn't work for 2 years then he finally get a job and quits and leaves me wih nthing because I've paid for his clothes, food, home, everything. Now i guess i see why everyone thought i was stupid for doing it..for example, we were low on money and we went to community relief and they told me they wouldnt help us again unless he was working because he was not doing his part on taking care of the money and i was the only one doing it..I was so embarassed and ishould have thought somethng then but now i see that's all it was..besides as far as the sex thing. i know why he was was because he came up to me while i was sleeping and i said i was sleeping and i am on my period so hed have to wait and to top that off he had gottenh off twice before this not even 2 hours prior becuse i gave him head 2x since he had gotten home that day..yeah so i take care of him. if we want to get into that he NEVER gets me taken care f so live with 2 years of that lol but anyways i have tried totalk to him he said forget about it and im not going to beg him to come home..that's his choice. now im in a spot where either my kids go without christmas and electric OR i take enough to cover the elctric..everything else is taken care of besides those two things.i get a monthly check that will take care of us after this but the electri comes on the 22nd and he was supposed to take care of that besides that they added his OLD bill to my NEW bill and took my 100 deposit and put it towards his old bill which i didnt know until yesterday. so on top of my bill i have the rest of his old one and all that stuff. i dont believe in takingwhats not mine but he also has been taking all i have for 2 years now and not helping at all. i just don't know. i'm so upset about all of this because not only did i lose him i lost my little girl because of biological and legal BS, and my girls lost their daddy because i already see he's not comming to see them or anything. i dont knw what could have gotten into him i never imagined this would happen.

in thast case I would take the money....but be prepared for him to confront you about it!
if he is just a jerk and dosent care and dosent want to be a man and take care of his responsibilities then you are better off without him.

I personally have had hard times in the past. I did what I had to do. work 2 jobs, went to school at night,
got a degree, and did whatever I could to make sure my kids had what they need...
I feel your pain...
I was just like him about 10 years ago.
growing up is his responsibility...
take care of those kids however you can.
be careful not to get in a violent situation.
as far as his little girl.. I am sorry but the law is the law...and you have no say in her life
I'll pray for you!

thank you so much i appreciate it...i just got us moved into some income based housing and get a check each month and will until i get out of school and get my cosmetology license..it might not be fancy but it makes sure my girls are taken care of. i just called his ex *we talk a lot) and let her know we've broke up and she said yes to brinnging carissa by to get her gifts and stocking from over here when she takes her to him on christmas eve so at least i have that. i didnt tell her much cuz i dont want to influence her about michael but let her know so carissa could get her stuff from here at least i get that to look forward to.

good for you with the coz classes. I hope everything works out for you.

I know how it feels to have your family ripped apart
I cought my ex-wife with my best man from our wedding
and it happened on X-mas eve of 2001
it does get better...
it opened my eyes.
the philosophy I live by now is
I dont do anything unless it betters my life or my kids life.
I quit smoking, drinking, ( accept social)
we stay active in the community... voulentering
giving back to those less fortunate..!
and I just try to do the right thing.
I have dated a little since then and realize now that
as a single parent you need to make sure you and your kids and bills are paid first of all without the help of a partner... this way when you do find a competent partner that dosent rely on you to survive it makes things go so much better,

This way you dont rely on each other... you compliment each other////

sorry to go all Dr Phil on ya...

best
Don