You are not alone. I am there right now except my daughter started cutting. There is a disorder called ODD. Oppositional defiant disorder. My daughter recently has gotten worse because of the wrong medication. Let her know that you love her. I would suggest you take her to a counselor again and check for ODD. One of the things the kids do with this disorder is create chaos in the family. I am just beginning to learn about this but it looks like a tough road.
I think that one of the problems could be that you keep telling her that she is messing up her life. What she is doing is letting you know that it is her life. She will decide what to do with it. We all want to protect our kids and not let them get hurt, but we can't do that for them. We just have to somehow figure out how to talk to them so they don't get defensive.

Thankyou for that. I have an appointment for her, or rather, for us in January. I'm sorry you're suffering with this aswell. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one.