My 14 year old daughter is completely messing up her life. She's always been naughty, but over the last few months, she's become much worse. She accepts no responsibility for her actions. It's always someone else's fault, or she was provoked. She is currently excluded from school for the third time. She is beautiful, articulate and extremely bright. She has a stable, two parent household, and does without nothing. She has seen a child psychologist in the past, who could find no behavioural problems. I think she may have some self esteem issues and is misbehaving at school to impress her friends, but whilst they stop before the teacher catches them, she always goes that step further. I have tried rewarding good behaviour, punishing bad behaviour, grounding, confiscating possessions, talking seriously with her and finally, ignoring her completely. Nothing is working. I feel heartbroken and just want to hug her and tell her how much she is hurting herself but having tried this in the past, I know it's no good. Please help.

You are not alone. I am there right now except my daughter started cutting. There is a disorder called ODD. Oppositional defiant disorder. My daughter recently has gotten worse because of the wrong medication. Let her know that you love her. I would suggest you take her to a counselor again and check for ODD. One of the things the kids do with this disorder is create chaos in the family. I am just beginning to learn about this but it looks like a tough road.
I think that one of the problems could be that you keep telling her that she is messing up her life. What she is doing is letting you know that it is her life. She will decide what to do with it. We all want to protect our kids and not let them get hurt, but we can't do that for them. We just have to somehow figure out how to talk to them so they don't get defensive.

Thankyou for that. I have an appointment for her, or rather, for us in January. I'm sorry you're suffering with this aswell. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one.