I'm having a problem in our new home. my step son is now 20 and 1 year ago he dropped out of school unexpectedly. His mom and I have argued bitterly over the fact that he has'nt worked or made any plans to. I feel that he needs to get busy with a more adult life-style that includes responsiblity and work. She however feels that I'm being hard on him and telling her how to raise HER son. I've talked to my son on many occasions about my expectations for him. I have clearly talked to him about how this is not what I feel is good for his future. This has become a mojor fighting issue for our normally peaceful relationship. How do i motivate this young man???

At 20 you don't motivate him - he is an adult and needs to find out that Mom and Dad won't support him any longer. I suggest you give him a period of time - say 14 days to find a place to live and leave the house - or start paying rent....

Thanks for your response. I have been trying to tell my wife that very thing! Since our son hasn't been "bad" i.e. drugs smoking drinking she feels he deserves a break. I agree he's a great kid but a great kid needs to be able to work and have adult responsibilities that will help him be independent. any other ideas????

What's his incentive to leave? He has full financial support and a nice place to live, rent free.

But if you provide an incentive for him to become more responsible, he will seize it. I would continue to allow him to live at home but provide absolutely no spending money for him whatsoever.

He'll get tired of never having any money to do what his peers are doing and will probably breach the topic of employment himself. Once he gains employment and see the financial and self-esteem benefits of working, the positive momentum will carry him all the way out of your house and into adulthood.