Hello everyone, this is my first posting in this forum. My teenage son's behaviour prompted me to do an internet search for help and advice. My son is 17.
He's completely stuck in a rut. He left school at 16, with no specific qualifications. (He didn't do very well at school). Initially after leaving, he attened an interview at the place his older sister works, but he was unsuccessful. I think this dented his confidence a little bit. I've tried to give him ideas as to what to do, ie, an apprenticeship, things like this, something to give him some valuable skills. He shows signs of interest, but then loses it again.
He started going to connexions, but gave that up. He says they're useless, when the fact is he doesn't really give anything a real chance.
His behaviour is very worrying, I'm at the end of my tether with him. He shows no respect for anyone or anything, he's abusive, violent, and very angry. He has a very short fuse. When i try to talk to him about his actions and the detremental affect they are causing, I'm met with a brick wall. I choose my words carefully as i don't want to hurt his feelings, I know he has a good heart, he just hides it really well.
I'm wondering if there's anyone else out there with similar problems, someone who's had similar experiences and have overcome them, some advice on how to move forward.
I've considered visiting the doctor about my son's problems. Basically I don't know which way to turn, he's a time bomb waiting to explode.
Hi Poppy, at 17 your son is still a child but in a adults body, he still needs to feel loved and useful and it sounds as if he is a bit depressed and covering it up with bravado. What sort of interests did he have at school? Did he play football or rugby etc. Perhaps you could encourage him to join some sort of club that will give him an interest other than thinking of work all the time.
In addressing his temper you can buy herbal medicines that will help him to remain calm. Then, you may get the opportunity to help him to move forward.
ask him about where he sees himself in 10 years time and try to get him to think seriously about it. Perhaps he may get the discipline and structure he deserves if he were to join the forces, not easy for you I know but it is a rewarding and well respected career choice. Here he will learn many useful skills which will help him in civilian life in the future.
(Obviously this is not for everybody just a suggestion,) I wish you all the best of luck, He is very lucky to have a mum who cares so much about him.
Hi Poppy,
I think he's having a hard time and so are you, and have before. I think this painful stuff is just something in families which has to surface somewhere and at some point. Often it is our children who are the places of least resistance, through whom this family stuff can emerge or erupt. This is why children so often seem badly behaved, reacting out of proportion to the situation.
Patterns show your first child tries to be the ambassador of the family - representing mother and father's value system, simultaneously. The second child is often in the role of the peace maker (can feel failure and family hidden frelings), may be extremely sensitive. The third reflects the parents'[carers/partners] relationship. Four is a reflection of whole family, the heart of the family.
If this fits then you can get some insight in how families really do work as an emotional team, a unit, all connected to each other. I write stuff about this - david@childproblem.co.uk or web site of same name.
