My 11 year old daughter is so stressing me out ... she is so cheeky and doesn't listen and has a smart answer for everything and always has to have the last word. I put her in time out all the time as well as not going out to her friends etc and having her pocket money taken away and this is not helping. Is there anything I can do please as she is sooo much of a handful, now my 5 year old is starting to behave like this as well, although me and my husband are trying to nip it in the bud. I talk to her all the time and ask what's wrong and why she feels she has to be nasty to us all but she just shrugs her shoulders and says "whatever".
I just don't know what else to do.
Hi, no real answer here. I have a behavioural problem with my son, which though not the same has been driving me mad. I try to do two things.
First, I make clear I won't answer/give him what he wants unless he speaks to me normally (ie not as if I'm some kind of idiot) Second, I am trying NOT to pick up on the bad behaviour too much, but I do complement him when he speaks to me nicely.
It's not quite the same I know because your daughter is 11 (I also have an 11yr old daughter: when she speaks to me like that I tell her how much it upsets me and she stops...different character, but I expect it may come later). Maybe someone with teenagers can advise.
Perhaps you could do what they sometimes suggest which is to make a deal with her: she promises not to.. and you promise not to..if she breaks the promise, there are consequences, but if she keeps it, there are rewards.
Hi,
Sometimes our children create a conflict with us when they are frightened of getting too close.
One thing is for sure, her behaviour comes out of feeling crap. In other words, the way you feel when she says 'whatever' to you and shrugs, is how she is feeling inside befroe she hurt you. I guess that would be a powerless feeling. Well, can relate to that? Is that a big theme in your life story? Whatever, if you can have the courage to be curious, and ask yourself, if, underneath, you do feel powerless... And if you have not admitted it to yourself before, this deeply, then that will lessen the burden on your child instantly. This is to do with projection and stuff - but you can help her by being brave with yourself. I have free reports and stuff on this new approach at www.childproblem.co.uk
Best wishes
David
