over the past year my son's behaviour has been gradually deteriorating, but very recently it has taken a sharp turn for the worse. this has culminated today when he has become abusive, violent, aggressive. you name it, he's done it, called me names, hit me. he has no remorse whatsoever when he has calmed down. his father and i seperated when he was 4 but he has up to recently coped fine with this, his father and i have an amicable relationship and he sees hs dad every other weekend, holidays etc. please help, am at the end of my tether, feel like i am the worst mother in the world (as my son has told me i am) don't know where to turn next!!!

sounds like it could be hormonal-this could attribute for the sudden change in behaviour with no apparent explanation.

Is there anything i can do to help him if it is his hormones?

Hi, firstly you are not the worst mother in the world, unfortunately children at this age are beginning to be influenced by how their friends and peers act. Does your son have a good set of friends or has he fallen in with a bad group? Have a word with the school and talk to them about your sons behaviour at home, is he like this at school too?
Try to pick a quiet moment when your son is calm and in a good mood and ask him about what is happening in his life, ask him if he is happy. If you think its the friends that are a problem it is more tricky, can you get him to join a club, swimming, rugby, football etc so that he can begin to meet new friends. I do wish you luck and hope you can find a solution, you are wise to start acting on your concerns now because once he has moved in to the teenage years it will become more difficult (although not impossible) to change him back in to the well behaved boy he once was.

I also think he needs to know how his behaviour towards you is affecting you, tell him how hurt you feel but also that you still love him very much. If things really do not improve you could be really difficult and take away all of his toys (and I also mean game boys, TV computers CD player etc) from his room and only give them back when he has 'earned' them back. I know it sounds harsh but sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. Best of luck.

Hi I have same problem with ten year old daughter. Me and her dad divorced when she was three but was fine with this until about a year ago. She is constantly cheeky(but doesn't hit me)and her answer to most things is either "That's not fair" or "What do you know about anything?" said with hand on hip and a scornful glare. Last week was the final straw-after a particularly nasty outburst her room now contains only her bed, wardrobe and clothes. All other items will be returned when she has shown a degree of respect for me.

Okay, but if you have to take some ones worldly personal possessions away from them, in order to get someone to respect you - then you are not winning respect, you are losing it. Whoever is right or wrong unless there is a level of equality in the relationship, there will always be very rocky times.
How must our children be feeling to act this way? Answer that, and you have a clue. How you feel after they disprected you is how they felt before they acted bad - they feel unheard or disrespected in some emotional way or other- and this is their way of telling you.

The other big thing is, it seems like a child creating their own misfortune by being willfully horrible to those who mean the most to them. This behaviour, i.e. attacking and aggressive children, has come out of their guilt - it is self-attack pointed outwards - so it's worth inquiring into it before jumping to conclusions that judge our kids. Bullying is unacceptable but it is also very common - how come?

Best wishes
David
www.childproblem.co.uk - free reports on this

His classwork at school is fine, he is an exceptionally bright boy but due to several incidents that have ocurred on the playground, his school are on the verge of permanently excluding him from school. his friends are all fine. both myself and the school have racked our brains to try to find a reason for this behaviour but we have come to a dead end.