Hi everyone, its my first time posting.

I have 2 children, aged 6.5yrs (boy) and 3yr (girl).

My problem is actually with my children (at present anyway!!) its actually with my best friends just about 2-yr old.

Since the time she could crawl she has been like a mini-tornado!!! When my firend comes around with her which is generally weekly I get an instant migraine!!! She is extremely hyperactive and has to grab and hopefully destroy everything. When told "No, dont touch" she completey ignores. My friend tends to let her go but I can she is only now just getting quietly frustrated, not saying anything though. I have to completely change my whole house when she comes around, put things away, shut doors etc etc etc. I dont have a "cluttered" house to begin with but somehow she still manages to push all buttons of the DVD, pull cords out of the computer, tip the cat biscuits container over, take the glasses out of the cupboard etc etc. And NO KIDDING, this is all within a 5 minute period, not even that. She really is hard work!!!

One of the other hardest things to bear is that she continually bullies my 3yr old. Luckily my daughter is very placid and doesnt hit back, but the poor thing is struck every time they visit, e.g wooden block thrown at face, hit on head with big drink bottle, pinched, etc. My darling daughter cannot do a thing without this little girl wreaking havoc, e.g do a jigsaw, draw, anything.

You can actually see the dread on my kids face when they walk in the door. My daughter has taken to going and shutting her own bedroom door when they arrive as she does not want all her loved toys thrown around/broken. If this little girl hits my daughter and my daughter cries my friend actually tells my daughter "it wasnt that bad", or "it was just an accident" etc etc. When this girl walks up to my daughter with her arm in the air with a cup in it and proceeds to smash it against her head, that is not an accident and somestimes theres at least 3 "accidents" in 30 minutes!!!

My son actually has ADHD, we adopted him from Russia when he was a baby. This little girl is worse than my son was!!!! and thats saying something!!! My kids arent that much older that I have forgotten what a terrible two is like, but this one is a huge handful. Im definately not saying that she is ADHD or anything like that but boy its a reminder.

We are moving house this coming week to a really beautiful home. I am really looking forward furnishing my home with lovely stuff, e.g vases, glass coffee table, a few ornaments etc. It really frustrates me to think that if they come around I am going to have to move it all, I really dont want to in my new home!! Most of the time after they have left I spend 30 minutes putting everything back to where it was and then searching for stuff that my friend has put away without me knowing so that her daughter couldnt get it. I spent an hour looking for all the TV etc remotes after their last visit!!!

I absolutely love children and have always loved being with this little girl until about 6mths ago when it became a chore for them to come around!!

I quietly mentioned to my friend that when my son got out of control hyperactive I used to sit him on my knee or beside me for "time in", just for 5 minutes to calm down a bit. I think she just tuned me out.

This is seriously affecting our friendship in that we cannot have a conversation at all as she is 24/7 running around after her daughter and my children just about run when they see her coming. My son is in trouble at school every now and then for bullying and he has always been midly aggresive so I know how it feels to have a bully for a son. Unforunately my friend cannot see that her daughter is actually a bully. My friend tells me stories of what her daughter does to the kids in her coffee group but pretty much laughs it off saying how strong she is, she seems to be partly proud of it. I bet the coffee group mothers dont think its funny, well I dont anyway when its happening to my daughter as well.

In a nutshell, what can I say to her? Especially with the move to our new house. My children take great pride of their bedrooms, especially all the new furniture we have got them for our new house, I dont want to see it ruined. Im sick of altering my house when they come and then re-positioning everything when they leave!@

I dont think Im being too picky, I have brought up 2 children and taught them to respect other peoples property, not to touch etc, with my son it was a little harder but he was a saint compared to this one!! Im not a perfectionist mother/housewife who loves her home in perfect place, I have 2 children so my house is certainly not perfectly tidy at all times like Bree off Desperate Housewives!!!

How can I nicely bring it up with her? I fear that one day I will get really angry at something being broken our friendship may suffer/break. I have seen my friend ditch a close friend over something very trivial (pre motherhood), so I know that it is possible for her to shut down a friendship.

Any suggestions?

Hi there,

How close is this friend? It doesn't sound like she's necessarily the kind of friend you want around anyway if she is ignoring the fact that her daughter terrorizes your children and trashes your home! I met a girl at the park about a year & 1/2 ago who has children almost the same age as mine (I have a 2yr old and a 3 1/2 yr old). Her daughter sometimes bullied my daughter, but she did not stand for it and encourages kindness, sharing and love between the kids. THAT is who you want to be around and have around your children.

You don't have to necessarily have it out with her or anything, but you could just start cutting down on visits and be "busy" much of the time. The alternative is to sit down, without the children around, and really talk to her openly and honestly about your feelings. Maybe even write a letter to her sharing your concerns but also your desire to continue the friendship.

It's really not ok for her to allow her child to be wild and mean to your kids and disrespectful to your property. You are being too nice. Friendship should be open and respectful and caring if it's worth keeping.

Only my opinion, but hope it helps!

Hi,
I have just read your message & felt i must reply straight away! I am apalled at your story, not because of the child, but because of her parents
attitude towards her bad behaviour! I assume this parent either a) does not know how to deal with this type of behaviour, or b) really doesn't think theres anything wrong in whats she's doing, but if you want to continue your relationship with this person & her child, i suggest ( actually i urge you)! take a positive approach & step in to acknowledge the child's bad behaviour. Im guessing that your friend may pass it off as nothing because no-one lets her know it's not acceptable, & the longer you keep quiet, the worse it will get, remember it is the child who is suffering here as she won't ever know right from wrong! I am sure that if you step in & tell her child what she is doing wrong, both child & parent may at first be shocked, but if your a true friend, the mother will respect your advice, & you may just make her realize that it is actually her job to tell her child that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable. I meet with a group of friends each week that i have known since pregnancy, & i would not hesitate to tell thier child of thier wrong doing, we all appreciate & respect each others advice throghout parenting,& im sure your friend would too.Do what you need to do,be assertive, stay calm, & be proud. x