After reading your statement, I guess if an adult is inconvienced, then there is a problem with the system. I mean throughout the entire write up you do not mention why the child is in detention, only how much you and the others are inconvienced. Meanwhile the school is attempting to correct mis-behavior at the school, by assignments of detention, and you think the school is wrong. So tell me again why does the mother want you watching her child?

Ok - this is a single mom who cannot afford to miss work or her kids will suffer more, and as for me, all the other parents I provide care for are waiting for 45 minutes or more before I return for them to pick up their own children. Would you want that to be you 3 days out of 5, waiting for your provider to return your child to the facility you dropped them off at that morning so you can continue your evening and time with your child? This is a snowball effect. So many others are inconvienced. I am not as concerened for me, just all the others who should not be. This child is serving detention for things like getting up to throw paper away, talking when asked not to, turning around in her seat, and the biggest thing (and it is said to her by the teachers almost everyday) she is the youger sister of a brother who was just like her. She is not a mean or destructive child and cares about others feelings. I know teachers are teachers because they have the need to teach academics, and I know todays children from single and blended families are tougher to teach. I'm not cutting on the teachers, I don't know what would be better, continuing this way is not working, and I thought I could get some suggestions. I have been a provider for 17 years and I am always attending seminars and classes and continuing to educate myself. I don't think it is fair of you to judge me and suggest I should not be caring for children. I have been fortunate, many of the families I have provided for and do provide have notified me of thier appreciation, most families never thank thier provider for assistng the care of thier most presious possesions. And again this was written quickly hoping to get a helpful suggestion for the mother, me, and the school system -- not to defend myself. Anyone else have help?

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Replying to:

After reading your statement, I guess if an adult is inconvienced, then there is a problem with the system. I mean throughout the entire write up you do not mention why the child is in detention, only how much you and the others are inconvienced. Meanwhile the school is attempting to correct mis-behavior at the school, by assignments of detention, and you think the school is wrong. So tell me again why does the mother want you watching her child?

Rhonda,
I grew up in a similar sitution as the ladys children who you take care of (very poor and etc.) anyways I think it is wonderful for you to try and find a solution for the mom and children rather than just not watching them anymore. I was going to say that usually when kids strive for negaive attention its because they dont get enough positive attention, however, it seems like the girl is simply getting in trouble for stupid stuff. and it could go both ways, meaning it could be stuff the girl is doing wrong on purpose - or it simple could just be the teacher. I am only 21 years old and remember very well when I was her age. I would sometimes talk and disrupt the class etc. but that's just what kids her age do. However, sometimes I did it just to be bad and do what ever I wanted to do and at other times it would be the teacher. For example: I had one teacher who would accuse me of talking all the time when I never said a word. After getting in trouble several times I got sick of it and went off on her in front of the whole class and had to go see the principal, etc. Well my mom knew I have a big mouth but she also knew I acutally had done nothing wrong the first few times I had gotten in trouble, otherwise I would not have yelled at the teacher. So if she is getting in trouble mostly in the same class then I would suspect the teacher. I soon learned in high school that some teachers are there to teach because they enjoy it and want to help kids, and the other ones are there just to get a pay check and the dont give a crap about the students, so I would check on the teacher. Dont get me wrong, most of the teacher I had cared about the students, however some were just worthless teachers. Maybe since your more educated in child development etc. You should get permission from the childs parent to have a confrence with the principal, teacher, and the child all at the same time and try and work it out. Some times if teachers know the childrens situation (in their home life) then they will be more reasonable or try and help. Try and get your own point of view of what is causeing the problem. even if it is simply that the girl is being bad (then she probable needs more positive attention) or she just doesnt like the subject of that class or whatever it is and try and solve it that way. Also one more thing, I know its long already, but one more thing is, instead of punishing her for being bad, reward her for being good. Like if she doesnt get detention for a week then she gets a special treat (like going to the movies or something) then if she doesnt do it for a month and so on and if it starts to work, she will get in the habbit of not getting in trouble anymore. It may take more of your time to try all different things but if it works it will be worth it in the long run. I really hope it help and dont give up on them, it sounds like the really need the great help you give them and hopefully they appreciate it.

Your idea for me to have conference with all of them, is a great idea. The mother is all for it. And I did mention to the mother about the reward system, her comment was cute but sad, she said "well if I reward this child and she continues to do good that would be wonderful, because taking her to a movie is cheaper than missing work, but I might just end up with all 4 of my children all being good and I could go broke". I seen her point so I suggested to her that all the kids, her and I would sit down tonight and make a chart of whos week it is to go to a movie of their choice, if in fact they have not gotten in trouble. Unfortunatly it will take 4 weeks of good behavior per child before they get to go to the movies again, but in this case these children are very excited to go anywhere. I also will let mom know I will help her out financially. Plus this gives each child alone time with mom, something they don't often get. I agree that some of this is the teacher, beacuse the teacher does throw it in this childs face about being like her brother, I guess we'll see when we all meet. Thank you so much for your advise. No one is able to fix everything alone, I'm always open for fresh outside imput, that is how I learn as well. Thanks so much!!! You sound like a very smart kid, (sorry young adult) with a big heart, stay that way. Continue your help even if it seems minor like this, because it just might not be so minor in the end, and you helped change that.

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Replying to:

Rhonda,
I grew up in a similar sitution as the ladys children who you take care of (very poor and etc.) anyways I think it is wonderful for you to try and find a solution for the mom and children rather than just not watching them anymore. I was going to say that usually when kids strive for negaive attention its because they dont get enough positive attention, however, it seems like the girl is simply getting in trouble for stupid stuff. and it could go both ways, meaning it could be stuff the girl is doing wrong on purpose - or it simple could just be the teacher. I am only 21 years old and remember very well when I was her age. I would sometimes talk and disrupt the class etc. but that's just what kids her age do. However, sometimes I did it just to be bad and do what ever I wanted to do and at other times it would be the teacher. For example: I had one teacher who would accuse me of talking all the time when I never said a word. After getting in trouble several times I got sick of it and went off on her in front of the whole class and had to go see the principal, etc. Well my mom knew I have a big mouth but she also knew I acutally had done nothing wrong the first few times I had gotten in trouble, otherwise I would not have yelled at the teacher. So if she is getting in trouble mostly in the same class then I would suspect the teacher. I soon learned in high school that some teachers are there to teach because they enjoy it and want to help kids, and the other ones are there just to get a pay check and the dont give a crap about the students, so I would check on the teacher. Dont get me wrong, most of the teacher I had cared about the students, however some were just worthless teachers. Maybe since your more educated in child development etc. You should get permission from the childs parent to have a confrence with the principal, teacher, and the child all at the same time and try and work it out. Some times if teachers know the childrens situation (in their home life) then they will be more reasonable or try and help. Try and get your own point of view of what is causeing the problem. even if it is simply that the girl is being bad (then she probable needs more positive attention) or she just doesnt like the subject of that class or whatever it is and try and solve it that way. Also one more thing, I know its long already, but one more thing is, instead of punishing her for being bad, reward her for being good. Like if she doesnt get detention for a week then she gets a special treat (like going to the movies or something) then if she doesnt do it for a month and so on and if it starts to work, she will get in the habbit of not getting in trouble anymore. It may take more of your time to try all different things but if it works it will be worth it in the long run. I really hope it help and dont give up on them, it sounds like the really need the great help you give them and hopefully they appreciate it.

I am so glad some of the ideas helped Rhonda. You sound like your so nice and want to help this family so much, and that's great.

One more thing is that she can use other rewards that arent so expensive, movie theaters are so crazy on their pricing now and once they get there they will want popcorn and soda etc. but she could always do other rewards that arent so expensive, like maybe....uh I dont know ... maybe they get to pick whats for dinner every day for a week or something like that...or pick what they watch on TV for a week or something.
but I am really glad it helped a little bit. I really hope it works out for you and them.

Please read all the replies to this subject. They are suggestive, not critisizing. And suggestion was what was needed for all involved.

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Replying to:

After reading your statement, I guess if an adult is inconvienced, then there is a problem with the system. I mean throughout the entire write up you do not mention why the child is in detention, only how much you and the others are inconvienced. Meanwhile the school is attempting to correct mis-behavior at the school, by assignments of detention, and you think the school is wrong. So tell me again why does the mother want you watching her child?

Hi, I know you have been given some fantastic advice on this so mine will seem a little trivial perhaps but I work in a school and our school do actually cater for lunchtime detentions rather than after school detentions, this way it only inconveniences the child as she/he cannot go out and play with the other children. if you are going to meet with the school it could be a suggestion to them. Whatever happens, you sound like a great carer and I wish you and the family you are helping all the best and hope for a happy outcome.