Hello I have a sert of 2 year old twin boys. One of them has became aggressive to the other I've tried so many things I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying very hard to be a positive parent but Will almost pushed Rollie down the stairs! Now it's starting to get worse he's going after animals and my bf and myself. I don't know what to do I've removed him and redirected him, time-outs, and tried to explain whet he was doing that was wrong I've tried special time with him (and his brother) I don't know what to do HELP!!!
I know what you are you going threw and sure dont know what to tell you! My son is almost three and is so mean stabed his dad, broke his window threw his car right threw it when he had to go to bed.. Takes his poo and wipes it all over and even pooped right in front of me on the floor. He is potty trained. He screams for hours over and over tells us he is mad at as and he is going to lock us out! So you are not alone!
This sort of behaviour is fairly common in twins, they are each vying for supremacy and attention. I would suggest if possible you separate them, can you put them in their own bedroom? or divide the room in to two. Encourage each boy to be individual by developing friendships of their own. It sounds as if 'Will' is the twin with the attitude, he needs to be shown a better way. When he is kind or helpful keep up the praise, try to avoid confronational issues or situations that you know he is not good in. I think he is probably aware that Rolllie is the 'good' boy and he is playing out the role he has been given as the 'naughty' boy. It is up to you to show him he is just as lovely and kind natured as his brother. Good luck (don't forget he's only two, it is most certainly not too late!) When it is time for playgroup or nursery etc, try to take them to separate sessions or different classes. Treat them as individuals not as part of a pair. (I am speaking to you as a twin myself so I know and understand the pitfalls).
I agree on the individual time with the children. we have four year old twin daughters and luckily they are very close, however, they do need their own individual attention. Focus on the positive things that Will does. If he does something good or has learned something new on his own, etc. Give him lots of praise. Kids love positive attention. Hes only two so even if well explained he will probably still not understand your explaination of what he did wrong. Try and focus on what he did right to destract him from what he did wrong and he will strive more for that positive attention. It will probably take some time and a whole lot of patients with two year olds. Also, I agree with the person who said to give them their own friends to play with have them at seperate times play with other children. After he gets a little more maintained, I would try to have them start doing more stuff together so that they dont grow apart too much. Kids usually love to help mommy do suff like making cookies. Let them both help you. They each have their own jobs, one of them pours in the sugar and one does the flour, etc. or other activites where they each get to be individuals, but interact with eachother and you at the same time.
Dear Beth,
Okay, I admit it, I'm on a mission! It is fantastic that mums and dads post questions here because it take some courage to ask for help - so I am full of admiration for this. My mission is this: Time after time I get mums and dads driven to distraction by their children's behaviour. It is an absolutely sure psychological fact, that in all these cases [okay there could be some exceptions] the children are REACTING to something going on in their lives. The fact that we as parents don't get it is because we have not heard or felt what it is that is causing them pain. So we are in the dark. To us the behaviour looks wilful, determined, rude, cheeky, stubborn, and we begin to project all kinds of stuff on them. And we even begin to not like them. This is a mistake! Where we are blind to what is going on, of course, the child is going slowly round the bend. If you decide to get to know more about your own emotional environment - which many of us have made ourselves deaf to - you will sooon discover the cause of your childs bad behaviour or problem. And it will stop - honest. Email me, david@childproblem.co.uk for free reports about this etc or look at website of same name.
David
