Hi i was hoping someone could give me a bit of advice about my three year old son! I've collected him today from nursery and his carers have told me that he's been hitting the other children and spitting at the staff. He has never done this at home with me and i just don't know what to do or say that will make him understand what he has done was wrong and that he shouldn't do it again. On our way back from the nursery we usually get a few sweets and some chips but today i've told him that he can only have chips because he's been very naughty. I explained what he'd done and why he shouldn't of done it but he was more interested in not having something he wants. Have i done all i can do? Or is there other ways to make him realise what he's done for instance taking a book away? I don't know someone help me please.

Hi there, I know you have said that your son has never hit or spat at you at home, but I have to ask, does your son always get what he wants? Or do you say no to him and he accepts willingly. It could be that at nursery the staff have refused him something, perhaps a toy that another child was playing with etc and this might be his way of having a 'tantrum'. Without the full facts its difficult to advise. If its a one off incident then simply remind your son that it is not nice or kind to do that kind of thing and use reward stickers towards a treat at the end of the week if he has been good. I would advise against always buying your son sweets on the way home from school. Take him a favourite toy to play with on the way home. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Does your statement say you gave him part of a reward (chips), but not the whole reward because of his actions or am I mis-reading it? In our house mis-behavior has consequences such as time outs, standing in the corner, or having privileges taken away, and our children seem to understand that making wrong choices such as spitting or hitting will have consequences that they don't like. It seems to me that even a partial reward is really confusing to a child, was the action wrong, or OK because I still got part of my reward?