My girlfriends little boy is four and has recently started to become extremely defiant in his behavior.

He is dry at night about 3 out of 7 nights currently.
He is lifted at night but still wets after going when he is lifted. He isnt allowed anything to drink for at least an hour before bed time but it doesnt make any difference.
He is never told off for wetting, nor made to stay in it. He is just spoken to quietly while the sheets and pyjamas are changed then placed back in bed, by which time hes usually asleep again. He isnt made to wash/shower till the morning.
However, he has told his Dad (who we are all on good terms with and he sees very regulaly) that the reason he wets the bed is because he doesnt want to get up because he is too tired, and on another occasion, he 'didnt feel like getting up'.

This makes us think that his bedwetting is more of a behavior issue than a teaching/learning issue.

When hes naughty, hitting another child for example, he is sent to 'the naughty circle' or to his room(where all his toys are) for a few moments to cool down or sulk.

Hes now started a new habit of wetting himself as soon as he is there while he looks right at my girlfriend, then saying 'You made me wet. I wanted to go to the toilet but Im not allowed because I have to stay here'.

Its been explained to him that all he has to do is ask for the toilet, but the bottom line is he looks her in the eye and does it quite deliberatly as an act of defiance when hes punished.

However he has taken on board that he can always ask and uses this as he will now demand the toilet the second he is in a car for instance, regardless of the fact that that hes just been twice in the 15 minutes prior to getting in the car. An attempt to get him to hold on for a few moments (knowing that he has just been) can result in a defiant wetting on the car seat.

My girlfriend is at her wits end with his behavior, and if anyone can come up with a solution to this new 'game' we would be very grateful.

Nick

If you let him stay in his wet clothing or in his wet bed, he won't like it, and if the parents don't make such a fuss about it he won't get any "control" from the issues....

THat option has been discussed. The problem with that is that when he stands in front of you and wets himself in defiance, it also goes all over hes feet and the floor.
Unless we cover the floor in slippery polythene to make it waterproof we have to clean it up as soon as we can or the carpet will soon stink of urine.

As for leaving him in bed wet, we have tried that, but he just curls up in a ball at the other end of the bed so hes not on the wet patch, or he comes in and climbs into our bed.

Its not unknown if we leave him there for him to wet there again too.

Don't know what else to suggest.....my 90 year old father thinks a good spanking each time would stop it, but like I said he is 90; and while I only got one spanking from him when I was 4 years old, it was an experience I did not even think about repeating for more than 15 years. Just the threat was enough to make me change my behavior. Good Luck

I would agree with the spanking (as I was spanked as a child and I listened) however, a more important thing that I have learned lately is that spanking promotes hitting and so it may help solve your problem now, but you may have much bigger problems if he starts hitting children in school, his brother and sisters, etc. and there are other ways to help solve it that are likely to be more effective without a negitive effect. Have you made sure that he is not affraid to get up and go to the bathroom by him self in the middle of the night? I would make sure the path to the bathroom is well lit and the bathroom as well.