Recently my 7 year old came to me and told me that her and her best friend used to do things of a sexual nature. This happened a few times. Dad and I handled this wrong and we are feeling awful about it. We could not believe it and we were shocked and did not know how to handle this other than we did not want her to do this again. I'm afraid we terrified her to the point that she has anxiety and feels she needs to tell us every thought or every action that she did back then when this happened. We have told her that the past is over and we apologized for saying the things we said to her. She is consumed with shame and guilt and it's our fault! I never ever thought about children exploring etc until I read that alot of children are curious about their bodies and other's bodies. I feel terrible and our lives are upside down right now. She sits around trying to conjure up everything she ever did "bad" and tell us. She says she wants to make sure that she tells because it makes her feel better. I hold my breath everytime I hear her say MAMA in that familiar tone now. She was afraid we were going to send her away because we offered too much information about people hurting her and having to go to away. We are also a christian family and we stressed the importance of being a good girl because God does not like it when you are doing such bad things. We did not know how to handle this and now we are in turmoil. I am begging for advice and I have apologized to my child over and over and asked her to forgive me. AM I the only parent that has ever dealt with this? It seems I am the only parent in the world that did not know about childhood sexualized behaviour. So many sites I have been on asking for help have more or less told me that I was horrible for not knowing this about children. I wasn't like this when I was little and she's only 7.....not 12! I know I handled this wrong but I need help as to where I go from here.

hi! If you don't mind me saying actually you are not wrong. Yet I do say you apologizing is wrong. Why apologize because you are trying to protect your child. that does not make any sense. protect and unprotect? i dont agree. but, protect and correct, is more like it. what i mean by protect & unprotect is you teach her whats right from wrong and this happens and your saying sorry. She probably also thinks sorry means the "sorry person" is wrong. Then couple years later when shes about nine or so another situation somewhat like this but not exactly comes around and then shes there by herself and remembers everything you told her about people going away, God and your beliefs, what you as the parent would do, and the way she felt at that very moment when she saw your reaction, AND THEN after all this flashing through her mind she sees you saying over and over "SORRY". If you ask me two things may come of this she can 1) think she can do the same or even worse, share it with you and then sit back and watch how your gonna give her an excuse to get her out of it, you feeling bad and her feeling good telling herself "There, now they can't say I have lied to them, and I don't feel any guilt". or 2)She will remember your reaction and everything you have shared about this situation with her, how wrong it is what will happen, how the consequences will effect her and her whole family and she will STOP. DEAD IN HER TRACKS. and KNOW that THIS IS WRONG. And if the situation becomes a forceful hurtful against her will kind of situation she will KNOW, that THEY ARE WRONG. So take action now TELL her what ever YOU as HER PARENT feel, think, fear and whatever else you need to tell her to protect her. And if she reacts in the way she reacted and ended up sharing everything with you GREAT! the more you know the more safe she will be not only now or 2 years later or her teens, it will be through out her life. So stop saying sorry and remember if you say sorry now the only sorry you will have left is sorry for saying sorry.

Thank you for your response. Her dad and I have really learned a lesson....and still learning the hard way I guess.

Thanks again
Cheryl

I would take a deep breath and forgive yourself. Then sit down with her and a have a "grown-up conversation" about what sex is and how curiosity is common etccc, perhaps get a book. Instead of focusing on telling her sex is "wrong" redirect her towards the meaning of the act, who should have sex etc... you don't want to raise a daughter who feels sex is dirty or bad, as she may end up having difficulty with adult relationships later. I would be clear and concise and invite her to ask you any questions and then leave it at that.

CLR has given you the best answer I've seen in a long time.....fully support her suggestion.