God you really are both going through it. I can certainly understand about your son not wanting to confide in his friends, as like you say he is going to feel ashamed and I suppose probably worried in case it gets out as well. As long as your son knows it was nothing to do with him and that he can always talk to you, it's really a case of taking things slowly one day at a time.
I bet you are glad that your son was not in when your husband came round the other night, what a nightmare that must have been. I hope you are okay. Next time your husband suggests a meeting, I would really ensure that you have it in a public place with someone else there with you, as you need to make sure you are safe.
He really is doing himself no favours with regards to salvaging his relationship with your son though, so I would just keep looking after yourself and your son.
Your son will do what he thinks is right, when he feels the time is right.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both; I can't even begin to imagine what things must be like for both of you. Keep strong.
