Hi first time on, we have a little girl who is 18 months old, she is very close to her mum and when her mum is around my child has little or no time at all for her dad.
The problem is that she constantly makes herself vomit in order to get her own way, i am worried about this as i dont want this to develop into a learnt behaviour, can anyone help...

Hi

My only advise would be when she starts to look like she is going to do this say a very sharp 'NO' to her and explain why she should not do this. On the other hand some may say ignore it as the child is doing it for attention. I believe that a child will not know they are doing wrong unless you tell them. I also feel that the 'sharp and firm' NO gives them the very instant feeling of this is not acceptable behaviour. If the child is doing it when mum and dad are both there and is doing it because mum is going to cave it and give her what she wants, I would suggest that you agree that when she does this that mum leaves the room so that her actions do not get her the reward ie mum that she wants and she will work out that its pointless doing it. Explain to her that she cannot have everything that she wants but there is still a nice way to get more of what she wants and one that is less painfull. Hope thats of help to you and good luck.

thanks, yeah i spoke with my wife about this and explained that she needs to stop giving in, if i try and put her to bed and my daughter begins to play up, then my wife comes and takes over, which leaves me feeling bad but also gives my daughter what she wants...
Ive now asked the wife to leave me to it otherwise we will never get anywhere...

Hi wayne I'd like to ask...
How is your relationship with daughter generally? is it only when challenged she does this? Does she behave ok/good when not in a challenging situation?
Maybe when she acts this way you should defuse the situation appeal to her sense of humour do something that would make her laugh try and keep the hostility/atmosphere to a minimum and give her a hug or go as a family to somewhere in the house you can relax and have some tactile family time where you are all interacting in a relaxed happy way to show her that you and Mummy love each other and Her and start defining your family roles in her mind. Keep NO! for real emergencies no might suffice.And Mummy and Daddy unity is an absolute on all matters. Discuss this with your partner before hand to highlight any issues. If you have any differences of opinion try and establsh these together first so you can present a united parental front.And if you havnt got time make time and You are both cleverer than her and combined you can easily foil her schemes :D
GleninHull

Hi

I would just like to respond to last comment re NO. I did not intend to scream NO in the same way as I would in a life and death situation as in crossing the street etc BUT I do think that if this gets out of hand it is a very serious issue re weight gain, lack of nutrients etc and as such I see it as more serious than two kids scrapping in the yard.

What I meant was a sharp and very poker face NO to stop the behaviour and I can vouch for it working - at least it has with every child I've done it with - my own, minded and friends and relatives children left in my care and I feel it is appropriate. Please do not play this down as it may get out of hand and become more of a problem than it is now.

Just felt that I had to justify myself as a small 'no' with a kindness and lack of firmness will not have the impact it has to for this to work the first time. Do not reward this behaviour in any way. Also, distraction will only work in some instances, not all. If a child runs out in a busy road - trying to distract them in this situation will have a negative effect. In this situation, there has to be clear, firm and no negotiating parenting ie a very clear rule - in my opinion 'NO' is appropriate. After all - how many times do you want your child to be sick - imagine the damage that this can do long term! Once is enough for you to take the necessary action for her to realise that this is serious and she should stop - RIGHT NOW!

Good luck again

PS - do agree with the pre-agreed united front with parenting and also to affirm to her that mum & dad love each other and are not going to treat her differently.

HELLO I AGREE WITH WHAT HAS BEEN SAID AS A MOTHER OF 3 BOYS AND NURSERY TEACHER I ALSO UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT CAN BE TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND LET DAD GET ON MY SON NOW 4 HAS VOMITED LIKE THIS WHEN UPSET SINCE THE SAME AGE HE HAD CHOKING EPISODES WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER AND WAS ON ASTHMA MEDS AND HAD REFLUX SOEVERYTIME HE DID IT WE WOULD PANIC WE SOON REALISED THAT EVERYTIME HE WAS TOLD OFF HE WOULD SCREAM INTO A TANTRUM TILL HE WAS SICK THIS WOULD MAKE ME TRY TOBRIBE HIM INTO CALMING DOWN ESPECIALLY IF HE HAD JUST EATEN HIS DINNER WOULD OFTEN COME UP BEFORE BEDTIME AFTER A WHILE WE LEARNT TO IGNORE IT I NOW STAY AWAY AT BEDTIME AND EVEN IF HE CRIES AT FIRST IT ONLY LASTS A MINUTE HE STILL VOMITS AFTER A TANTRUM OCCASIONALLY BUT NOW HES OLDER HE SAYS IM GOING TO BE SICK AND I TALK TO HIM AND SAY NO YOURE NOT YOURE OK YYOURE JUST UPSET THEY DO GROW OUT OF IT AND IT DOESNT HARM THE HARDEST PART IS NOT TO FEEL GUILTY AND NOT TO SHOW IT GOOD LUCK