My mother-in-law who visits every three weeks with her husband is a hyper active Nanny who my 2 year old worships. They have stayed with our daughter whilst we have the occasional weekend break away It's playtime from start to finish of the visit. My daughter has eyes for no one when she is here and my husband is totally pushed out and even I have to fight for her. Recently we have caught her calling herself Mummy which we have commented on and she dismisses as slip of the tongue. My own mother has our daughter a couple of days a week and helps out as she lives nearby. At our daughter's 2nd birthday last week Mother-in-law completely monopolised her, my own mother was shunned and experienced an almost look of hatred from my little daughter which she found very distressing. My brother home from abroad for the birthday experienced almost evil glares from M/L. My husband then admitted that he to has felt this hatred look from our daughter. Surely this is not possible from a two year old? Friends and relatives have since all commented on M/L almost manic obsessional behaviour.
With them looking at moving closer next year so (in her words) she can help out with our daughter and have her weekends we are getting increasingly worried. With no friends down this way I can see a difficult situation arising she does not seem to listen to our reason. We have found that she has cut my parents out who up to now have always included her in family outings, I suppose they are a threat to her. When we think back, she tried very hard to be present at the birth which was a little unnerving and will not discuss anything my parents have done with our daughter. She avoids contact with them as far as she can.
Her own son tragically took his life 6 years ago do you think she is trying to replace him with our daughter.
Just how do we handle this before it gets out of hand. We have visions of her taking over ours and our daughters life. Please Please give some help or advice.
Your mother in law sounds like she really is having some problems concerning her son's tragic death.
At the same time you are experiencing enormous strains with her never ending presence.
Have you or your husband tried talking to her at all?
Does she have any friends or other family, could you try talking to her husband? Does he have any idea what his wife's behaviour is doing to you>
I know from your point of view how incredibly distressing you must be finding it, but there really must be something deeply worrying your mother in law for her to behave like this.
Maybe for the moment you could try to limit the visits to just that, no overnight stays, but try to explain to your mother in law and father in law your reasoning behind the change.
It's really hard as you want to encourage a lovely relationship with grandparents, but this one sounds a little unnerving at the moment and it could end in a massive argument as by the sounds of your post, both your husband and yourself are really feeling the strain of the relationship.
I really don't know what else to suggest, but you need to try and get back to some form of healthier relationshio that is not so all consuming on the part of your mother in law and your daughter, but without obviously causing any distress to your daughter as she clearly adores her grandmother.
Please hang on in there. If you could try to talk to your father in law or get your husband to talk to him and be completely open and honest with him as you have been in your post here then maybe he could help in the situation as well.
