My daughter used to have (up to age 12/13) drive and a will to do well for herself. In the past 3 months she has come home drunk twice and has gone missing overnight without any contact other than through a friends text (could be anybody) When she is grounded she flatly refuses to adhere to the discipline and often decides when she will and wont stay in. If we threaten to stop her allowance she threatens to steal. Her peer group are much the same but I do not blame them individually. Any ideas? is it always this way? I fell as though I have lost all parenting ability.

AFTER 13 ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE, BUT YOU HAVE TO STAND FIRM . LET YOUR YES MEAN YES AND YOUR NO MEAN NO. MY SON HAS TRIED THIS TOO. WE WERE BATTLEING FOR A WHILE. HE STAYED OUT OVERNIGHT ( CALLING HIMSELF RUNNING AWAY) WHEN HE RETURNED I SAT DOWN WE TALKED LETTING HIM KNOW I WAS WORRIED CONCERNED AND IF HE NEEDS TO GET AWAY LET ME KNOW SO WE CAN MAKE ARRANGEMENTS . DON'T JUST LEAVE THINGS ARE TOO BAD OUT HERE. THE LEAVING THE HOUSE PIECE I WENT AS FAR AS BAGGING UP EVERY SHOE, BOOT, SNEAK AND FLIP FLOP HE HAD .I PUT THEM IN THE TRUNK AND I LOCKED MY DOORS FROM THE INSIDE WHILE I WALKED AROUND LIKE THE WARDEN FOR A WHOLE MONTH HE GOT THE PICTURE. JUST REMAIN COSISTENT. BE FIRM BUT FAIR. GET HER INVOLVED IN ACTIVITIES TO KEEP HER OCCUPIED SO SHE WON'T SPEND SO MUCH TIME W/ FRIENDS. IT'S A BATTLE AND IT'S HARD BUT YOU CAN DO IT. REMEMBER HOW WE WERE WHEN WE WERE TEENS. YOUR MOM AND DAD WAS THE MOST UNCOOL HORRIBLE PEOPLE YOU KNEW REMEMBER THAT AND LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN SO SHE CAN TALK TO YOU. THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS PUSH HER AWAY.

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Replying to:

My daughter used to have (up to age 12/13) drive and a will to do well for herself. In the past 3 months she has come home drunk twice and has gone missing overnight without any contact other than through a friends text (could be anybody) When she is grounded she flatly refuses to adhere to the discipline and often decides when she will and wont stay in. If we threaten to stop her allowance she threatens to steal. Her peer group are much the same but I do not blame them individually. Any ideas? is it always this way? I fell as though I have lost all parenting ability.

Dee

many thanks. In a strange way it is good to hear other people actually go through the same frustrations. I have tried some of the things you are suggesting and guess perseverance is the key.

I went through all of this when i was 15 (now 20).I drank, ran away,misbehaved in school,and had THE worst boyfriends. It took me until i was 17 to be over it completely. The thing that worked best for me was a therapist. I had some one to talk to and just complain. I love life now and am glad nothing happened to me when i was be "wild" My parents were great as well.(eventhough i haven't told them that!) THey were always there to break up the "party". If i ran away they were right there to get me. Don't give up on her because things will get better. MY mom and me have a great relationship and talk everyday. I have a little girl now and am not looking forward to those years. I hope this helps to ease your mind and give you more strength to put your foot down. Good Luck to you and you daughter!

nicole
Mother of a 6 month old lil girl

You got it perserverance and consistency. best of luck. You can't fail w/ either.

I have to say that I was probably the teenager from hell.

I hated my mother, my stepfather was okay and my brother could do no wrong. Living in my house was a battlefield.

I used to regularly disappear at the age of 15 for days on end convinced that nobody would notice or care. I regularly drunk myself into oblivion and I got in with a bad crowd that at the time I thought were so cool.I admit that I was not very happy at home and that was the bulk of the problem.

However, at 17 I met a guy, fell in love and 17 years later we have just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. I have 3 lovely children under 5. I qualified as an accountant, own my own house and have had a very successful business of my own for 6 years now.

I still don't have a very good relationship with my mother, but that is not because of the way I was as a teenager, it's always been that way.

What I am really trying to say is that everyone goes through hard times as teenagers and the bulk of us turn out okay!

Just hang on in there!