Hi
I'm so confused. My very inquisitive and energetic 4 year old son is being flagged up as having behavioural problems. School is having him assessed by behavioural support and he has a learning mentor. He sometimes refuses to sit down with the other children at snack time, he runs away from the staff and more recently has expressed his frustration with aggressive behaviour. However, this is not the behaviour I have at home. He sits down for drinks, snacks and meals, plays well with friends outside of school and can concentrate for small periods of time. The school is always keeping me back after class and sending ME to the headmaster, the health visitor thinks it's the schools fault, expecting to much from a 4 year old boy. Help help help, I don't care who's to blame, I want my son to be happy and well.

IT COULD BE A NUMBER OF THINGS. IT COULD BE THE TEACHES. MAYBE THEY JUST HAVE TOO HIGH OF AN EXPECTATION FOR HIM. MAYBE HE HAS SENSORY ISSUES AND THE NOISE, THE LIGHTS BOTHER HIM. SOME CHILDREN W/ SENSORY ISSUES ARE MUCH CALMER AT HOME BECAUSE THE ATMOSPHERE IS NOT SO CHAOTIC. THE CHILDREN ALSO W/ SENSORY ISSUES HAVE SOME BEHAVIOR ISSUES BECAUSE THEIR NEEDS ARE NOT BEING MET. IT'S ALRIGHT. HAVE HIM EVALED BY AN OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST TO SEE IF HE HAS SENSORY ISSUES GOING ON. TAKE A LOOK AT THE CLASS AND SEE HOW IT'S BEING RUN. MAYBE THEY DON'T FOLLOW A SCHEDULE. MAYBE HE'S JUST MIRRORING HIS PEERS BEHAVIORS. COULD MOMMY ALWAYS GIVE IN TO HIM AND WHAT HE WANTS AT HOME AND THEN WHEN HE'S IN A STRUCTURED ENVIROMENT HE CAN'T HANDLE IT. I DON'T KNOW BUT THESE ARE THINGS TO THINK OF.

Thank you so much for replying to my message. Taking into consideration all that you have said I think it could be a mixture of things. I think because of his enthusiasm and inquisitiveness he is hard to keep control of. Now I think this is the first thing the teachers think of when they see him and they seem to be picking at every wrong move he makes like it's a big deal. He's told his mentor he's a naughty boy which makes me feel very sad and told me his teacher said that he'd changed into a mean little boy. He's had a better week this week. I'm just waiting on the behavioural support to see what they say. Thanks again for replying, it helps me when I don't feel so alone.
Clare

I work at a preschool and i find it disgusting that a practitioner had labelled your child as'mean' any carer worth their salt knows you do not label children, just point out their behaviour is unacceptable at that particular moment in time. We have children who do exactly what you describe your son is doing at his setting and we don't assign him/her to a program for that, there may be another reason why thay have done that, have you asked them specifically why? sometimes its communication difficulties, they are frustrated they can't relate to the carer what it is they want so they run off, so they are labelled 'naughty'
Is there a reason why he won't sit at snack time? is there another child he doesn't get along with that the staff sit him next to? staff are often very busy and usually understaffed but they don't sound like they are evaluating the situation effectively.
Have him evaluated by the professionals anyway, there is no shame in that at all you are not to blame and nor is your child.
Perhaps they don't stimulate him enought, stretch his imagination, it sounds very much like they aren't sure of how to deal with a challenging child.
He sounds very energetic and charming i hope you get it sorted.