I moved in with my boyfriend and his 13 almost 14 yr old daughter after I got out of the military. Things were going fine until recently. She has been giving us more of an attitude and been pouting around. I was raised in a strict military home, where I had a lot more chores and responsibilities than she had. My boyfriend grew up on a farm so he was in the same boat. She has it EASY here, since I have been here I've been asking her to do more. Her room was a wreck, looked like a tornado hit it. So I made her clean her room, she wasn't happy about that. The real problems started after we received a phonecall from her boyfriend who informed us that she was telling her ex's that she still liked them and we sat down with her and told her that it's going to give her a bad reputation. Then last night I told her I wanted the dishes done before she went to bed, she snuck off early so she could avoid doing them. She got them done, giving me dirty looks the whole time. She is not to be on the phone past 10 pm, so around 11 last night I looked over to see if the phone was charging, she was on it. I unplugged the phone and she came storming out and gave me some lip and told me "you're not my mom, get a life". Her mom is not involved in her life, hasn't been for months now. I told my boyfriend about it when he got home from work and he just wants to ground her from the phone for a week. Which to me is not a punishment. I think he should back me up in the punishment I select which is additional chores, ei cleaning the bathroom or cleaning the fridge. Nothing really hard but enough to show her how good she really has it. I need some advice, I'm not trying to do anything but show her she needs to be responsible for her own actions and follow the rules we have set. She is being very disrecpectful to my boyfriend and myself. Any advice?

I have a 13 yr old daughter who will be 14 in December, so I know all about the attitude problems!!
Put yourself in her shoes for awhile and imagine if
a)you had had your dad to yourself and now had to share him
b)someone has come to YOUR house and is telling you what to do, I don't think it matters how old you are, you are going to fight that..
You need to first get her t understand your not there to take her mothers place, or take her fathers attention.
If you get your boyfriend to "back you up" she will only resent you more, for changing his attitude towards her.
Instead, talk things through with her, you need to build up a friendship and bond before you can tell her what to do, you and your boyfriend need to hwve a happy medium, it sounds like he doesn't do a lot of punishing, so he'll have to SLOWLY get firmer and you will have to ease of a bit for her t listen.
Good luck!

Well my boyfriend and I sat down with her this afternoon. She was totally rude and disrespectful to both of us by not even looking at us when we were speaking to her. Shawn the sent her to her room. I explained to her that I'm not trying to replace her mom or anything of that nature. I told her that the reason I'm more strict with her right now is because of her behavior. Shawn went on to tell her that if she should be mad at anyone it should be him because they are his rules that I'm enforcing when he is not here or while he is sleeping. She decided to yell at him and got herself grounded from everything for 3 weeks. Which means no birthday party for her, but yet she screamed I dont give a crap and I don't care. She knows I'm not here to take her dad away. She is just mad because now I'm enforcing the rules. I just don't know whatelse to do, I dont want to continue fighting with her.

I know exactly what your going through. The only difference is I have a 12 almost 13 year old son. He is the same way. Very disrespectful!! It angers me and it causes major wars in our household. Right now, I try to just avoid communicating with him unless it is absolutely necessary. I let him come to me when and if he needs anything. It seems to be getting a little better, but who knows. I also try to pick my battles, I think to myself, "Is this worth the fight?" If not, I won't even go there. Good Luck, I have a feeling we are both gonna need it!!