Hi!
I have two boys, 4 and 6 and am dating someone with an 8 year old. We tried living together, but his daughter visits every other weekend and is struggling with her dad with all three of us. This little girl seems to have problems with me, which I realize isn't personal. He moved out and now we are trying to start a better relationship with her. How do I get a better relationship with this 8 year old little girl, who seems jealous and possessive of her dad? I need help, so any advice would be appreciated.

Hi Denise your boyfriends daughter is obviously struggling with the fact you and her dad are an item. She needs to know from you that you are not in a competition with her and that she will always be the most important person in his life. The only way to approach this is to tell her first then prove it to her (a bit more tricky). It may be that on the weekends she is with him you allow her some quality time with her dad perhaps an afternoon when it is their time only, if you can give her this then she will gradually come round and begin to gain your trust. Send them off together cheerily saying "have a good time, come and tell me where you have been later" and be prepared to listen carefully to her (try to get HER to tell you not her dad)when they get back, show her you are interested and happy for her and her dad. It is important that she does not see you as a threat and by giving her this little bit of space I think it will do the trick. Good luck

Angela,
Thanks for the advice! Anything is appreciated. It was hard to see him move out last week and I'm fearful that we will fall apart. I think you are right that it will be hard to show her, words are empty and actions speak louder. Thanks for your help!
Denise

You're welcome, I sincerely hope you can sort out this problem with your boyfriends daughter. I guess if you try to put yourself in her shoes it is easy to understand why she is jealous, after all you are with him a good deal more than she is! I'm sure she will come round once she knows that you are not trying to take her father away from her. Best of luck!