I posted amessage a week ago about my unruly teen.(13) His behaviour is not out of control but we argue constantly. He says to me that we just dont get on and its because I wont let him do anything.This is untrue as he has plenty of freedom to spend time as he pleases but i have rules.
1 No bringing his friends in when I am not at home, because they raid the fridge, smoke,use the phone and have previously sprayed silly string around the house and on neighbours cars and property.
2 I feel he has 1 particular friend who appears to have no discipline at his house, he backchats me, uses phone in front of me when i have said dont, gets into trouble at school,and generally disrespects me and tells my son to do the same.He is also extememly manipulative and controlling(teachers words, not just mine!) This friend I wont have around and do my best to limit their contact with one another.
My son says this boy is his best friend and i have tried everything to limit their contact but this means we argue constantly when i say no to a sleepover or a trip.
My son says i am unreasonable and i have no right to tell him what to do just because i am an adult. He seems to have no respect for me and all my effortsto help him make a success of his life. He puts in minimum effort possible on his schoolwork and lies to me constantly to suit himself.
How have things ever got this bad when I have always prided myself on my close relationship with the children. He has a younger brother and sister who moan and complain for ages if they have to do anything they dont want to(which is quite often in their eyes).Also my middle son refuses to speak to me or my partner if he comes round my house .
All thisand the fact that I am single parent with no support, financial or emotional, from ex(he rarely sees them at all) and a pressurised job are making me feel as though everthing is just getting too much.
Hi, don't give up! Is it possible you could move out of the area and start afresh somewhere else. I am concerned from what you have said that your two younger children are heading down the same route. You say that the problem seems to be that you are both arguing all the time, I agree you need to have some house rules but I think that you should sit down with your son and agree them together. Ask him to write down 4 rules that he thinks would make the house and your relationship better (tell him to be sensible about this)! and you write down 4 too. See if there is some middle ground. Also it sounds as if you are not in touch with your sons life, you need to discover his interests and take an active part in them. If he likes football ~ go and support him when he is playing, if he enjoys music find out about his favourite bands and try to source some posters/information on them for him (even tickets for a concert perhaps) I can't help you on his friend, except that I agreee with you. Maybe try and encourage him to bring his other friends round to the house instead. I would also go to the school and try and get him moved into another class away from this bad influence. Schools will listen if you give them a chance and show you are concerned. Good luck
