Hi...I'm new here and I really need some help. I have a 5 year-old daughter and she's an only child. I'm really trying to show her the reality of life...like you can't always get your way. Her father and I don't always (barely ever) agree on parenting styles. To put it bluntly she's pretty spoiled.
Anyway, this is causing some serious issues in school. She started daycare when she was two because we thought it would be good for her to play with other children and she has always been a little shy. She just started kindergarten and now she seems more anxious than ever. It's only been a month and she's been to the nurse's office three times (for little things-thank goodness). I think she's already using this for an excuse to get out of class to be by herself. Her teacher pulled me aside after school today and told me that she doesn't smile in class and is constantly complaining about everything....like another kid's stuff being to close to hers or if someone accidentily bumps into her or if she doesn't like to do something. When I talk to my daughter about it she will automatically freak out, start crying, or say that she's shy....she's automatically on the defense and has an excuse for everything. I really try to talk to her in a non threatening way so she will open up and feel more confident....but after awhile sometimes my patience runs thin and we argue.
She has also been going to ballet and tap for two years and has loved it. She had her first recital last summer and handled her stagefright really well. I was sooo proud. Now, all of a sudden, she wants to quit because she's too shy and she doesn't know any one in her class.
Maybe you could say that she's overwhelmed with being five years old, but this has been going on for a long time now. I just really need some advice because her father (we live together) doesn't understand. I try to talk to him and tell him that we need to do something now to help her, but he just doesn't get it. She's his little girl and he'll do anything for her--including coddling her so she'll think that the world revolves around her. I do know it's great to have a loving and present father, but there has to be some kind of line drawn somewhere. Sometimes it seems like it's war in our house...them against me....I'm going to lose my sanity.

Any advice is much appreciated....thanks for letting me rant. I really need some workable solutions.....

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check out this book by john gottman- i have posted on it before-it outlines really helpful ways to deal with your childs emotions and help them to identify how they are feeling and what they can do to feel better-its called 'the heart of parenting-raising an emotionally intelligent child'it also has a lot of ideas as to how parents can learn to 'coach' their children through different emotions so that the child learns about their emotions and how to identify what they are feeling and why. i would really encourage you to check it out. good luck!

thanks!! I am going to check that book out.....I really do appreciate this chance to vent my feelings and get some real support. I really want my daughter to grow up and be a happy & stable adult...and I know that it all starts in childhood.

keep ur head up....my daughter is five as well, and has been to the nurses office just like urs...just to get out of class....and her father is just the same-he doesnt understand....and we sometimes have family wars....

my advice is to keep ur patients and reptition on what u say to ur daughter...she is in a stage right now and will come out of it....just keep ur patience and dont argue with her....stop that before it goes to far.....some counseling may help but i dont like to think about that route unless there are serious behavior problems, but that doesnt seem to be the case ....like my daughter i think urs is just going through the five year old transitions.....hope this helped a little.

Thanks for the advice and support!! I sure do hope this is just a phase because I don't know how much more I can handle. It's so hard not to argue with her though....it's a terrible cycle. My mom and I argued alot too...that's typical...but I really hate to be mad and yelling all of the time. Of course I want what is best for her, but at the same time I can't let her walk all over me. Thanks again.....

Hi I saw you posted this awhile ago so I hope you get this message. I too have a 5 yr old who is transitioning. WHEN SHE COMES HOME FROM SCHOOL SHE HAS TO TOTALLY LET OUT HER STRESS.
I ALSO HAVE SEEN HER LOOK SERIOUS AT SCHOOL VERY OFTEN.SHE ALSO HAS BEEN TO THE NURSE THREE TIMES SO FAR WITH LITTLE THINGS. I AM NOW TRYING TO VERY CALMLY ROLE PLAY WITH HER AND COACH HER ON TALKING WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE. SHE CAN BE WHINY AND THIS IS THE YEAR TO WORK THROUGH IT. THEY REALLY DO MATURE THIS YEAR WITH OUR HELP.I ALSO HAVE A SECOND GRADE DAUGHTER WHO WAS NOT THIS WAY AT ALL. BUT I DO SEE HOW MANY OF THE KIDS MATURED BY THE MIDDLE OF FIRST GRADE. AFTER ALL, IT IS ABIG CHANGE TO HIT THE BIG SCHOOL! GOOD LUCK TO US BOTH!!

You child is feeling unhappy in the setting. She is not 'spoiled' as you put. A child cannot be 'spolied'! She is trying to maintain her territory and personal space (example - other kids stuff too close to hers). It is just a little bit much, too soon. You indicated that she was previously shy - and this behaviour fits in with her behaviour. She may simply find 'school' a little overwhelming. I am not surprised she does not smile. She may not be sure what she needs to do - even if the teacher thinks she has explained it to her very clearly. It is possible that your child may have certain cognitive functions that are above the level she is working at - this means that the simplistic instructions the teacher give can become confusing because your child is trying to do her best and work at a higher level - this causes confusion. As to complaining - well, we all have our own personalities. Let her complain. If she has something to complain about she has the right to be listened to - just as adults do. However, adults do not like children to complain because most adults want children to meet the adult wants and wishes. This means that when a child complains - the adults complain that the child complains - it becomes a vicious cycle.