Hi Tami,

What would it take for you to give up your position if you thought it might help your children? The psychology is easy. Everything you did not get through as a child comes up in your relationship. Everything you do not want to see or think about, gets acted out and mirrored back by your partner. Result? Lots of pain and lots of conflict, or deadness. Unresolved fights turn into deadness. Plus your children will not only act out how you guys are feeling towards yourselves and each other, they will also feel the impact of every fight or bad feeling you have towards each other as parents. Not pretty!! The eldest child is typically the ambassador of the family and seeks to live up to the value systems of both parents. You may not know it, or understand this, but your fifteen year old is being torn apart inside by the conflict between you and your partner. You need to change your attitude - this will bring up your bad/inadequate/sad/heartbroken feelings..a good thing! There is also a big authority conflict going on between you and your partner. Heal this and your child will behave better. It works if you work, and nurturing and attitude of appreciation, or even gratitude will change everything. Parenting is tough and no child is a monster - what we do to them unwittingly - can turn out wrong but there are, in the final analysis, no bad children. If you want to know more and get more info email me at david@childproblem.co.uk Brave of you to write so honestly, that works too! It can be saved but you need to be aware that everything we think of others we think of ourselves somewhere inside.
David