so maybe i could try the ill pop back up in ten mins to check your ok then it gives her that final time before sleep with me or my hubby
if any one has any more ideas i would really be greatful

Hi Kerry
Its so tiring when they are like this isn't it? I know with my neice as she drives my sister up the wall. I do keep banging on about sticker charts but i do feel they work in most instances. Have you tried talking to your child about why he/she (sorry i can't remember if you have a boy or girl)is unsettled at night time, at four he/she may be able to tell you why they are distressed or perhaps its habits, very easy to get into but tricky to get them out of.
Perhaps offering a small treat, I don't mean toys and expensive gifts here just something managable like a favourite sweet or a trip somewhere like the park.
Yes you could try the pop back in five minutes thing too but try to go up before he/she starts to make a fuss and remember to tell him/her how proud of them you are for not shouting down. hope i helped.

we did do the sticker chart thing it wore off after 2 months

she says that she dislikes being on her own at bed time more than once or twice she has begged for a brother or sister
no chance
it has become a habit though that she cannot brake
tried the if you do not shout down the stairs we can go where ever never works
will try the popping back upstairs thing
thanks for your input

I'm really sorry bout that, i know what you mean about the brother or sister thing ha ha ones enough hey? It might just have to run its course, my sister sorted it out in the end as nothing really worked for her either it just seemed to all of a sudden stop when she turned 5 so there is light at the end of the tunnel. get your wine bottle open and have a few bevvies.

shes 5 in a month so theres hope for me soon lol
already opened

Assuming that the child has not been through any traumatic events or seen or heard any disturbing sights or sounds and the home is emotionally safe and stable. The following suggestion has been successful for several parents who have children 2 years old and up that are testing limits and boundaries and trying to glean some control in their life.
Bed time rituals are a special time for you and your child. Let your child have some control in the bed time. For instance as bed time approaches ask the child a question that gives the child a choice and some ownership in bed time. Ask a simple but empowering question such as “would you like to go to bed now or in ten minutes?” The child is less likely to fight for control if you share a bit of control. Also consider changing the name of bedtime to bedroom time. Bedtime implies that they have to fall asleep and this in its self can add stress to the child. Bedroom time implies that you have to be in your bedroom but you don’t have to be asleep any time soon. Give the child permission to play quietly or look at books when you are not in the room some kids need quite wind down time. This releases some stress from the child and gives the child a sense of control therefore the child will be less inclined to resist. Of course the child may find that getting up in the morning is harder and may be tired all day but isn’t that the logical consequence for staying up later? If this is in fact the result don’t ruin the consequence and lesson learned by preaching moralizing and lecturing, just be empathetic and understanding.
It is important to have a bed time ritual. The ritual should start with a consistent wind down routine such as lower the volume in the home, dim the lights, brush teeth and get in jammies, say prayers and or read a story. Let the child talk about his or her day. Kiss and hug the child then say to the child “I am going to bed in my own room. If you come out of your room I will quietly and lovingly take you by your hand and walk you back to your room. I will place you on your bed and I will leave without saying a word or giving you a hug or a kiss. I will then leave your room and go back to my room. I love you goodnight.” Then give the child the choice of having the door open or closed, or lights on or off. Again the child is given some control and ownership and less likely to resist. Expect that the child will test your resolve here. Be consistent and patient it may take several times. Most important control your emotions be calm and quite say little or nothing. Good luck.

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Replying to:

shes 5 in a month so theres hope for me soon lol
already opened

My daughter used to do the same thing and still does sometimes, we now have a definate bed time, she watched the story makers on cbeebies then the first half of Emerdale, if she's not tired she is aloud her night light on for a short while (while i eat my tea!) and given a book to read, she seems to like this responsibility to choose when to settle down, within half an hour every night she has put her book under her pillow and is fast asleep. she was 3 on monday I'm sure your daughter will like this idea too