Children witnessing domestic violence - mothers neglect!
Bit of a difficult one really! My husband and I recently gained residency of his two boys aged 8 and 12, 3 months ago. There mother was neglecting them due to continuous violent relationships over the last 8 years, social services involved, i know 8 years!!! The boys mother is as violent as the boyfriends. The 12 year old who is quite severe ADHD and aspergers is fine, (she got the diagnosis for him 6 years ago and has not attending 32 appointments since, she got the DLA payments and then lost interest in him) The 8 year old who was very close to his mother is in complete denial. He has been told he cannot live with mummy because she cannot keep you safe because of ***** the current boyfriend who has just been released from prison for beating up thier mother. The problems we have are.....B** thinks is adamant that his mother is not seeing this man, she will not let the children have anything from the house, toys etc (They were removed on the day in the clothes they stood in)B** is very angry at us because he thinks its all our fault :( the only thing we have told the children is that "Mummy is still with this man" The 8 year old gets extremely angry and denies its happeneing! They believe the boyfriend was put in prison because he drank too much. I feel i need to make the facts clear that his mother is still with ***** but the opportunity never arises (as in he will not discuss it) he never asks and puts his head under the pillow if you talk to him about the situation. His mother gave him a phone on the last visit (all supervised) and acted as a go between, between B** and the current boyfriend....she has breached the court order which has a penal notice (dated 2 Aug 12) 3 times already!! (Phone has been removed, which is B** blames us for)Im at my wits end the boys love seeing her and have a nice time but they come back so messed up! The 8 year old is manipulating the other children in the same way that his mother manipulates anyone that comes into contact with her. - which is hard! We originally had 4 kids, all are stable happy kids who are doing better than well in school and have been fantastic throughout this situation....but here we are 11 weeks on (12 June 12) when interim residency was ordered the whole family is struggling because the promises the mother makes to the 8 year old. i feel he needs to know the truth in a way suitable for an 8 year old but he is reluctant to hear what is going on in his mothers life, which is understandable! Even to the point when he says, I dont want anything from mums house (when the 12 year old asks for things) because deep down he knows its his mother preventing all sorts of things and in reality i think he must think(in an 8 years olds mind) his mum has chosen ***** over her children.(She was given 3 months to get rid of the current boyfriend) If anyone has had a similar experience I would be very grateful to hear from you. Thank you xgcF4