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Hi all, first time here and just wanted to get some input from imparital people on a subject.
On monday when I picked my 11 year old daughter up from the at home day care she attends, her eyes were pink and they sitter said she thought she was getting pink eye. Long story short my daughter and her best friend (the sitters 11 year old daughter) were outside and she told my daugther that she didn't want to be friends anymore, that my daughter bugged her and she was imature and that they had nothing in common (many other hurtful things) so my daughter had cried and that is why her eyes were all pink when they came in.
The daughter of the sitter asked my daughter if she had anything to say, and my daughter replied "no i have to come here for the next year and half) so baisically she didn't feel like she could say anything back to this girl and not jeopordize our day care arrangement.
I called the sitter later that night, and told her everything my daugher and said. These girls have a long history, they have been friends since they were 3 and my daugher has attended this day care for the last 8.5 years. She of course was concerned that he daughter could be that mean to her best friend.
My daughter said she does not want to go back to this at home day care facilty and I am supporting her in that. I told her we would make other arrangements. When I told the sitter she said she was offended that I would make that decision. We have been friends and have grown somewhat close over the years but i feel like have to do what is best for my daughter and right now her feelings are so hurt she can't even fathom having a discussion with the girl let alone going back to her house.
The girl would like to talk with her but I told the sitter it would have to be on neutral ground (she wanted to have my daugher come after school one day back to their home) or have them do it at school. Since my daughter is still raw over it I said school is out since she will most likely cry again and would be mortified in school and that their house is not a neutral area that my daughter would feel safe or comfortable in anymore
My question is, would you continue to send your daughter there or would you just tell them it is over and two do you think I am over reacting or letting my child over react by not making her go back?
I am sure some of this is probably hormonal on both girls parts as we are in the full throws of puberty at this age. I want my child to know that she can come to me with a problem and I will hear her and try to find the best solution possible.
I always thought it was a saying, "you look like you lost your best friend" but when you see that look on your childs face and have her sobbing in your arms, you arealize this happens in life and it stinks for the girls who actually did loose her best friend.
I think you set a precident when you try to help your child by giving her an escape. It may be too late to give this advice, but could you not have suggested to your daughter that the option of staying in the daycare and standing up to her friend may make her feel better about herself in the long run? Listening to her story and empathasizing with her feelings are important and are things that you did. However I think it is important to try to teach kids how to deal with other kids on their own. You could have advised her to go back to the friend and say, "I was hurt when you told me you didn't want to be my friend anymore but after thinking about it, I've decided that it's better for me to not be friends with someone who says mean and hurtful things and who would throw away a friend she has had for a long time for really no good reason. Of course I'm immature, I'm 11 years old, etc..." You get the idea. I don't think talking with the friend's mother and involving her so quickly was the best idea, either. If your daughter didn't think she could stand up to the friend and keep her dignity, you would be a very nice mother to accomodate your daughter by finding her new daycare. But, it could be your daughter's choice, ask her, "Do you want to stay in this daycare, stand up to this girl and show her that you are strong, honest and thoughtful or do you want to never go back, give that girl the power that she can push other kids around whenever she wants and have me put you in another daycare where the kids could be just as mean?"
Like I said this advice may be too late coming and also, it is just my opinion with very limited information. You know your daughter better than anyone and that you would find her a different daycare over the hurt of losing a best friend makes you a very nice mother that any kid would love to have.