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5 year old son becoming very difficult

my partner and i split 2 years ago. my son, now 5 stays with me on a tuesday night and spends saturday with me due to work commitments, staying extra nights during holidays. he has recently become very ignorant when being asked to do things ( wash your hands for tea, get your shoes and coat on, for example). it takes several attempts to even get him to acknowledge that he has even been given a request. if i raise my voice through frustration, he does the same, often accompanied with insults and physical protest such as hitting and kicking. sometimes he will try to break things. i end up nagging him when we spend time together and spending the rest of the time feeling upset as our time together should be special. i don't expect an instant response every time i speak to him, but the blatant ignoring and having to repeat the same thing 10 times, then being 'attacked' is getting too much. i feel so desperate!