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3 years old girl- Bi- polar/ stubborn/ crazy? HELP!!!!

My daughter is advanced in her vocabulary for a 3 year old she began speaking in sentences by 12 months. When she was 17 months old her baby sister was born. I really think this behavioral problem began before she was born. She- in a nutshell without going on forever about this, will go from so sweet to EXTREME DISOBEDIENCE - I thought at first overly tired but it is becoming worse and more frequent. Maybe something I am doing is triggering this? I ask her to do something simple like today it was wash her hands, after lunch- something most people don't think twice about, she sat on the couch started sliding off intentionally and cried, "I am not doing it! ok so at this point I am like WHAT? You have to they are sticky, Please Marlee go wash. Refusal about 3 times- tried the 1-2-3 thing- finally at no expense to my couch which is now sticky I drag her in the bathroom and make her wash, put her in her room- "the time out spot" and I tell her she can come out when she is done crying. Screaming bloody murder for an hour or so, I finally go in and offer her some water and tell her she can come out if she stops crying or she can take her blanket which I just took out of the dryer and lay down in her bed and she fusses about the water- insists the blanket is dirty still screaming and slams the door in my face and tells me to leave her alone Any ways this has happened before where she insists on staying in the carseat in the car, or other situations but same concept. I just can't handle the screaming Please any good advice would be totally appreciated.