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My partner and I are looking for some advice.
My parent's, through working closely with social services, have in their care two young children, both of whom are damaged and have both mental and physical difficulties as a result of their early childhood. The older child, aged 13, is of a wonderful nature, kind, caring and wouldn't harm a fly. The younger child, aged 10, (who was actually not subject to abuse physically, but neglect in the different form of starvation etc) is of a very different nature. She appears to be very sweet and innocent, but for many years has proven to be very destructive, breaking things, hitting other children, bullying them, and most significantly, making allegations of sexual assault against certain people - one such being her school teacher at the time. (She admits she is sexually active in that she pleasures herself regularly). A thorough investigation took place and eventually, she admitted she lied for attention about this poor teacher. She then did the very same to my sister's fiance and again he was cleared and she admitted she lied for attention. Being under the psychologist, they diagnosed her with ADHD. My partner and I feel that perhaps she was labelled too quickly. In any event her behaviour has since become worse.
This week, matters have escalated, whereby it has now been revealed that she has has gone a step too far. This child it has been revealed, has raped her brother (who was too frightened to come forward at the time), allowed the family pet to lick her in inappropriate places, and furthermore, has been sexually abusing our son. Without going into details, we are horrified not only about the situation on the whole but our son is 18 months old. He is unaware but my partner and I are mortified. My parents informed social services immediately, and have since been to discussions with her headteacher/teachers etc. I have made my feelings clear to my parents that we feel strongly that she should be removed from the family home otherwise my son, their grandson, will not be able to safely stay with his nanny anymore, we have to protect him. We are distraught and so upset and feel strongly that she must now, after 7 years of being in my parents care, go. The headteacher of the school agrees that she is a danger to other children in particular and must be taken away. My parents however are very soft, and social services consider that the best place for her would be to stay with my parents in the environment that she is now used to, rather than removing her which they feel could then make her worse.
I have since fallen out with my parents. I disagree that they should give her another chance. This is not the first incident and it certainly will not be the last. I feel they are placing sentimentality for this child over their own grandson, and I am mortified by what has happened. My partner and I cannot get our heads around the fact that our child has been abused and assaulted (without wanting to upset anybody, one act she performed was forcing my son's head between her legs to do things etc) yet my parents seem set on allowing her to stay. My mother has made clear that it is her decision and we have no say in the matter. We feel in light of the circumstances however, that she should act with a duty of care to other family members rather than this child.
She is 10, I believe she is too young to involve the police? I don't know? We need advice because we want some sort of action taken? My parents are burying their head in the sand, and it is causing a huge family rift. My mother feels she has failed the child if she gives up on her.
Your advice would be most appreciated.
Social Workers should do a risk assessment, but they will probably take childs side as u have said she has had problems and has been diagnosed with mental illness-I have been waiting 6 years nearly for someone 2 diagnose my child-Have ur parents ever thought Bi-polar? For this girl? My child has had behavioural problems since starting school-mostly violent but has recently accused me and her father of physically abusing her-WHICH IS ALL LIES and was also proved unfounded and she also admitted she lied. Also if her behaviour I think has not changed after 7 years-something is possibly wrong-ADHD? possibly not-I cant understand how angry u feel about wots happened 2 ur child-u have my thoughts-but u must also think thats also a child-wot if ur child grew and started doing things like that? Sounds like the child needs more help-in either education-social work-mental health and counselling-and also ur parents and other family members, I had to write after some of it sounded so familiar