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My three year old is out of control

Hi all- I have 2 boys and another child on the way, i am at my wits end with my eldest and dont know what to do, he seems very angry and at times and lashes out at me (mostly) he will have a tantrum which will last longer than the last, but when he is good he hos really good helpful the works but when he starts it doesnt end- he is loved just as much as my other son and we spend time together as a family and one on one- i can understand why he is being so agressive towards me and the rest of the family- it has got to the point where me and my partner are always arguring about him ( not in front of him) i really dont know what to do- he is out of control, he wont listen or do anything that i say and nothing is working ie time out or taking his favourite toy of him- the only thing he will do is say sorry and gives cuddles when he has finished- can anybody help!!!