Hi, looking for some help and support. My 4 year old daughter has always been slightly difficult with her behaviour..cheeky, disobediant etc.. but I tought she would settle when started school and had more structure etc.. However, she had only been there 8 days when I was called to see teacher regarding her poor behaviour. Lying, stealing from other kids, answering back, not doing as she is told, smacking the assistants bottoms when told off. I am at my wits end, I am sure the school think we are the cause but we have a strict routine, she goes to bed well etc.. any ideas or suggestions other than adoption!!!!

Hi Jane,
It's really worrying when school makes contact with you like this. However, it is the teacher's responisbility to ensure your daughter behaves and learns when she is at school.
You know your daughter better than the school does and the sooner you open a dialogue with the school the better.
I would make an appointment to see the teacher to discuss the issues with your daughter. You can explain that you work hard with your daughter and she has good routines etc. You can ask the teacher if she/he thinks your daughter has any underlying problems that might be causing the behaviour. If they think there is something going on (eg adhd or whatever,) it is better to know early on as with correct handling from the word go means progress will be better.
You can ask what strategies they are using to help your daughter improve her behaviour (they should be using some.... it's not ok just to keep moaning to you... make sure they have some type of behaviour management strategy in place for her). Finally you can ask how you can support what the school is doing at home.
You might feel unsure about arranging such a meeting so early on.... but it might stop them labeling your child as 'difficult'. It''s always good to have an open dialogue going with the school.... especially if your child has more needs than some other children....
Good luck... don't despair, it'll be alright

Can I put a different angle on this for you.

My son is 5 and a horror. He is well known for his cheek and bad behaviour wherever we go. He's very small for his age and has the charm to get away with some seriously bad behaviour. The school think he's 'cute' and 'only little' so they do nothing about his behaviour problems and say but oh he's so sweet when I suggest they should.

It won't be 'cute' for either of our children to behave that way when there 10.

So yes, its worrying that they've already had to contact you but a lot more positive than them excusing her behaviour and leaving it to escalate. Try to look at it as positive support rather than critism and make sure the teacher knows its welcomed.