I am just looking for some advice on what to do to help my son. He is 12 and is having so much trouble at school. He started going to this school in first grade and still doesn't have one friend, they tease him. He is very smart but is not very good at sports. We moved him and his twin sister there so that they coculd be involved in more things, our school in our district only has basketball and nothing else to do.
I go to school every year about the teasing and it gets better for a while but never stops, he cries and that I think makes it worst. He is now after so many times of this happening starting to get angry. I took him to a therapist last year and he went several times and the therapist said he seems to be fine now after the incident and just try to "up his cool" with the other kids. So I took treats to school for a outing and made goodie bags for every one and then we had a huge and successful birthday party and thought things were better until today and we have had another upset at schcool today. I have tried to deal with this and wonder if it ever will stop. I see other kids at the same school in high school that still are being teased for one thing or another. I can always send him back to the school in our district and wonder if that would help or hurt. He tries so hard to fit in but they leave him out, move away from him when he is close and ignore him when he speaks to them, I have witnessed this over the years and tried to tell him to just be patient he will find a good friend someday but I can't stand to see him cry about this so much. My daughter on the other hand does well and seems to be happy and I hate to seperate them into different schools. I am so unsure if that would help but he does know some of the kids there, he is in a class of 44 students and this school has 12 in his grade so the class would be alot smaller and might be easier to fit in. Please if you have any suggestions I would be so appreciative, I am his mother and I don't know what is best, make him keep trying or move him or what. Thanks Cindy

Hi there,

I really feel for your son. I was teased and picked on the entire time at senior school. After about a year of trying to fit in I ended up spending my breaks and lunchtimes in the library where after about 18 months I met someone else there who was in the same position. We became friends and that helped a bit.

But I begged my Mum to send me to a different school but because she worked it wasn't convenient and who knows if it would have helped? How does your son feel about moving schools? Perhaps you could have a look around another school with him to see how he feels.

I left at 16 after my GCSE's and went to a college 15 miles away where I eventually found some "real" friends who I am still friends with 16 years later!

Good luck, I hope he can get through this. It certainly made me stronger.

Martine

thank you for your response and I am so sorry you had to endure all that also, it is comforting to know that maybe some day he will have a friend/friends. He struggles so now and we did change schools and it is already starting there, what helped you to get through the tough times, we try to do alot together as a family and at home he acts really happy. His self esteem is so low from the teasing that I am trying to think of something that will boost he up some. Any suggestions. Thanks again for the feedback it helps so much. Cindy

Hi, I hope your son settles better in his new school and I wish you both luck. I think it is just as hard for a parent, if not worse? My Mum was like a brick for me she was my best friend - and still is. She was always there for me and would be a shoulder to cry on. We never really did much family stuff as my Father was an alcoholic so our family outings would be to the pub!

I used to go dancing at the weekend and had my own friends at dancing. I also went ice skating and roller skating after school where I had out of school friends - I found it easier to make friends out of school. Perhaps your son could do some out of school activities. My son who is also very shy goes to a drama club on a saturday which helps build confidence and he has made some good friends there. Or maybe he could go to a music club. I played the clarinet and was in the school band where at rehersals I would be accepted (just not in the playground!)

Thinking back now and watching my son at school I don't know whether I was teased because I didn't have the latest hair style or the new Nike trainers, bomber jacket etc? which is what I thought at the time But my Mum couldn't afford to buy me the latest "in" stuff, or whether it was just me? and something I had to go through to become a better adult?

Whatever the reason I think just being there for him and keeping him happy out of school is pretty much all you can do as a parent.