I agree with you both that he does need to look at the way he communicates with her. I'm very careful not to take sides & but it's difficult at times. I've ordered a book & suggested he reads this as he will not have counselling although I have suggested this on many occasions.

If hubby won't go to counselling then go on your own. You can learn to get different responses from other people by picking up new ones yourself, (an obvious example is how we respond to a toddler having a tantrum)...and if nothing else it gives you space to talk about how it affects you.