hi Linda than you for your note. Yes I understand what you are meaning but I have jobs in the house to do too, you cannot mean that I am to play jigsaws all day when he is with me, or kick a ball about in a garden when I have had many back operations...it is not that I do not want to but when you are doing everything in the house you cannot play full time too???! I love having special times when I play wit him and we cook/bake etc but sometimes I have to cook Tea etc!! He gets very very angry when I have to say no to things..

No I don't mean that you do the impossible. Only that you understand that he needs company all the time, which means you must look for a solution for him. Hire a baby sitter, put him in a part time program, find friends etc. He is too young to accommodate for you and doesn't get that you do things for him. He is frustrated. Find a solution that would meet his needs. It is a real need. There is nothing he can do about it and he deserves to have his needs met. He will be a better person when he is content.

I could be completely of the mark here but do your back problems prevent you from playing as much footie and other rough and tumble games with your son as you and he would both like? I can imagine that being frustrating for both of you but also something he'd pick up on and play on...explaining both the angry behaviour and the clingyness. I think that seeking out other ways of providing for this need of his is an excellent idea but once you have got this need met (and if you think it could be that he plays on it all) start putting your foot down about the behaviour...not by punishing but by being assertive about it. You'll feel more relaxed if he's not pushing your buttons and he'll benefit from a calmer mum

Hi Jovp

I would take a slightly tougher line because i think you are right, sometimes there are jobs around the house that just have to be done. However, at 4 yrs old he should be entitled to two and half hours a day free childcare (my 4 yr old son goes to a school nursery) which would give you some respite. Also why not try involving him in some of the jobs you have to do.
My son likes to help with the cooking especially if there is cheese involved (not all of it makes it into the meal!) and i ask him to help tidy up his toys which normally gets done with minimum fuss.
4 years is a long time for a habit to form so you will probably need to take things slowly to help prevent the tantrums, maybe only change one thing at a time over the course of weeks rather than days.
Good luck!