It makes sense to want to send him somewhere that he won't have any privileges BUT he needs to see that YOU and your husband aren't going to accept it anymore. Whether he acted the same with his grandmother or not, he needs to learn the lessons right from you in his own home. The best thing any parent can do is not feed into a child's behavior, getting a reaction is what he wants. Choose your battles and when he calls you names, acts up severely, etc. then you give him a time out. You say it sternly, not angrily, and limit to "Time out, sit over there until I tell you it's time to get up.". Don't mention the behavior, just say Time Out. Some people say that you should explain afterwards why you gave him the time out but I think he already knows. If he won't sit in a time out, you just keep sternly telling him to sit in one spot. If he refuses, then take away privileges. What ever you do, don't give in and pay all of your attention to him. Calmly give your daughter the attention and when he behaves, give him the same positive attention. Eventually he will have to see that he gets the attention he wants when he is NOT pushing your buttons.

thanx for the advice i know that sending him to nans isn't ideal but i was at my wits end this has been going on for almost 3 years i needed time out too to think on my parenting skills or lack of them i'm collecting him today and we have missed him so much i hope it's done us both alot of good thanks for listening x

Read Raising Our CHildren, Raising Ourselves. You will learn to understand WHY he is driven to behave this way. He must have a painful reason that must be addressed. Punishment and time out don't work long term because they hurt and do not address the reason.

If the reason for his distress is still there, he will have no control over behaving this way. The book will teach you to understand why he MUST do what he does, why he cannot control it, and how to remove the CAUSE, so he behaves well of his own free will because of being happy.

thanx linda i think i know the reason he can't get on with his younger sister she is 3 and he says she gets all the attention his dad has in the past seamed to favour her and obviously she needs more attention as she's only 3 but know matter how we show love to him he just throws it back at us we take him out just the 3 of us so he gets time with us alone we make sure he gets time after she's in bed to spend time with us i will try to get that book who is the auther i will go to the library thanx lisa