Has anybody got any good ideas on how to stop my 7 year old daughter from smacking her 2 and a 1/2 year old brother on the legs all the time? She smacks his legs whenever she is left alone with him - she says that it's because he is being bad and we have told her repeately that she has no need to smack him and it is wrong, I don't know where she gets it from because we do not believe in smacking and have never smacked either her or her brothers. I am at my end of trying to find ways to remedy this and would love any suggestions - anything is worth a try. Please help
I'm not an expert here, but maybe she's just trying to assert some power within the family here... make her presence felt....
you have to consistently tell her 'No, you mustn't do that...it'll hurt him' and carry on saying that until she learns its not ok to hurt her brother.
My youngest has been violent to her siblings... I used every available opportunity to discuss what it's feels like to be hurt (so if one of her friends had hurt her I could say 'That wasn't a very nice that x did, but you know, when you hit your brother, he must feel sad like you feel now etc').
You can try time out for her... If she continues, make her see a consequence for her actions (she doesn't get to watch TV for example... whatever works). Make sure you give her lots of attention when she is being nice to her brother..... Maybe she feels a bit pushed out. Parents are very aware when a baby is born not to leave an older child out... but your 2 1/2 year old is probably asserting himself in her space at the moment and that can be every bit as hard as having a new sibling... this sibling can now run, talk, jump etc, shout just like she can and she may not like that!!!!
It doesn't mean your daughter is turning into a bully or anything.... my youngest is now a model pupil at school and would never dream of hurting other children, now. It was just a phase. She does however, still assert herself within the family. Thankfully, she's found other ways of doing that!!!
A tactic I've used to stop my older ones from hurting the little ones is to give them the 'job' of looking after them if I leave the room. Ask her if she'd look after the baby for a minute and thank her for being such a big girl and doing such a good job of it when you get back (if she hasn't smacked him off course. Start with leaving for literally a minute so you give her a good shot at being successful and build it up over time as she gets used to enjoying the praise. You might just have to take the baby with you for a while until she gets the idea.
Children have a real reason for what they do. Try to prevent leaving her alone with him, and find out what drives her. Help is in the book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. I learned so much about understand and responding to unwanted behavior from that book. You will find much help for many problems.
