Hello

I would love some advice.................
I have an 8 year old daughter who has never particularly liked school, she is in year 3 now and struggling with people being mean to her.
She has always been a worrier and very sensitive, she is absolutely devastated when someone isn't her friend or if a friend goes off and plays with someone else. She can be quite needy, for example just before lunch play she will consistently ask the same person if they will play with her. She watches the news each morning to see the weather in the desperate hope that it will rain and she will have wet play and not have to confront the socail aspects of playtime. She has 1 little friend who she has had since reception class but she is quite young for her age and my daughter is quite grown up, she is an only child, I mean that about the other little girl in the nicest possible way. There are 3 girls in my daughters class who stick together and are into the same things, have the same interests as my daughter but they are so mean to her, really nasty and ****** and really unnecessary. She become friendly with 1 of the 3 girls a while ago and my daughter was so happy, they stayed at each others houses, etc, etc but on the Monday back at school this girl was horrible to her. I have had parents evening and her teacher has been really supportive and kind and really is trying to stop all of this going on. My daughter simply cannot understand why people are mean to her, she does admit to crying but not all the time, she says she doesn't really have any real friends and she doesn't fit in, she worries herself sick and goes through what she is going to say each day only this morning she asked 1 of these girls if she wanted to come and play (I don't like this girl particularly but I feel if it helps my daughter....?)
anyway this girl said "I will have to rhink about it" GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! I could see my daughter was trying so hard not to get upset she keeps plodding on, bless her and these girls are relentless. I know I can't make her friends with people and she has to deal with things by herself but it is very difficult. She seems to be an easy target and it wasn't ever this bad, I know she is no angel but she really truly is a nice little girl. I do let her have friends round but she never seems bothered anymore and she always wants to be friends with someone who isn't bothered. A new girl started in Jan and my daughter was soooooo kind to her, inviting her round to play as she didn't know anybody, and generally making her feel welcome, off her own back no-one asked her to. She was thrilled to have a friend, someone who liked her for her but I noticed recently that this new girl avoids her and barely acknowledges her, my daughter says she isn't nasty to her but she doesn't have anything to do with her, such a shame, she just doesn't understand why. It's very difficult to explain to her how not to be mean and cruel to people in life in general, blah, blah, blah but at school she witnesses this frequently, all very confusing and heartbreaking to see.

Sorry about the ramble, would love some advice.

It is really hard when your children have friendship issues.... My daughter was a bit of a loner until she was in Yr 6. She is now in Yr 9 and has a lovely group of friends around her... who are all I could ever want as my daughter's friends. I just want you to know that it won't necessarily always be the same , that it's your daughter being left out.
My daughter did quite a lot of out of school activities and she did make some friends there, which helped her confidence. Maybe your daughter could do some activities where she'll meet children that don't go to her school?
The other thing that I learned was that I mustn't make too big a deal of it. She was feeding off my fears... I constantly asked her 'Who did you play with?' and she got really fed up with me... she didn't need me worrying about it too. Then she worried about me worrying about her....
Keep on loving her, discuss with her different ways of reacting to others (so she doesn't seem too needy). Encourage her to meet other non-school children.... and try not to worry.... My daughter really isn't the loner she used to be....

Hello there, thank you........... I have realised am probably just as concerned as her and I think she gets fed up with me, thank you for the advice it makes me feel better, it's just horrible to think of her as unhappy!!!!!!!

xxxx

Absolutely agree with Nicki and also have a child who's been there and come out of the other side of it.

Be proud of her for not falling into the all too easy trap of being as mean as these other girls just to fit in. My daughter went through this at a similar age and is now nearly 11 and has a very nice group of friends...a small group but so much nicer than the little madams who tried to demoralise her.