My daughter is 12 years old, she's always been quite quiet and shy and doesn't always join in - although with her close friends she comes out of her shell. She's made a lovely friend at her secondary school and they get on really well. She also seems to get on well with most of the other girls (there will always be exceptions in life). However, she never gets invited to parties and often gets left out. Whilst this is nothing major, its making her quite sad, for example, she can't understand why people say hello to her friend but seem to ignore her (they're not nasty). What can I do to make her feel better and to help her get included more? We always make an effort for her to have friends over at the weekend etc, and try to encourage her to make plans in the week, rather than on Friday night, when everyone else is already 'booked up'.
I do't really know how to answer you, but it seems like you are doing all the right things, inviting friends round etc. Does she get invited to her good friend's house etc?
I could say that the world needs all sorts of people and not all people are party people but if SHE feels sad about it that's not good. If it gets worse, you could maybe bring it up with her form teacher at parent's evening...... I have a 13 yo girl and I know she gets very wary if I contact the school for any reason.....so it might be quite hard.
Does her friend get invited to parties?
I think (and I'm no expert) that all you can do is love her, make her know that she is loved and take evry opporunity to build up her self-confidence. Friendship issues can worry us parents somethng rotten!!!!!!! My 13 yo used to be a bit of a loner.... but she has changed. She now has a good group of friends and isn't left out... so things can change.
Does your daughter do any clubs etc outside of school? That can help boost confidence and maek new friends. My children all have friends that don't go to their school... and that always helps. For example, my 13 yo has been invited to see :Noughts and Crosses" by an out of school friend.... and often meets up with one particular friend who doesn't go to her school. It gives her more variety to her social life.
Good luck. I hope someone else is more helpful.
Hi Nicki, thanks for your response, and it has been helpful! Yes, her friend does get invited to parties whilst she doesn,t. She does get invited to her friend's house and we also encourage her early in the week to make plans so she's not on her own at the weekends. She belongs to a drama club outside of school which she loves,I have suggested she tries to meet up with the kids from there, but she doesn't like instigating things like that (down to the old self-confidence I think). She also sees a friend who does not go to her school, which is good. So, like you say, I think it is a question of showing her she's loved and trying to boost her self-confidence - which we do at every opportunity. You're not kidding about friendship issues worrying us parents something rotten, that is so true!
I really appreciate you responding....at least I feel like I'm doing the right things, although a magic wand would be nice :-)
